Thursday, 27 December 2007

I've decided that my friends pretty much suck.

I'm just sick of trying to find time to see them... I mean, I have plenty of time to see them, I've been home for two and a half week and haven't been doing anything else... but their version of "making plans" really sucks.

TM and I had caroling planned pretty much a month ago, and then the day before, a bunch of people who had been invited decided "let's go to Halifax and see Sweeney Todd instead!" Not only did they not come caroling, I also didn't get to go see Sweeney Todd with them.

So then we were talking about "we should go skating sometime soon"... and CC was all "oh, we can do it at my house, after Christmas would work well"... and the next morning there's an invitation on Facebook to go skating that night. I, of course, can't get transportation on short notice. Sigh.

And now New Year's. I guess we're not invited for the night? And I can't drive past midnight, sooo, I'm kind of screwed on that one. I was thinking that I could at least go, and just leave at 11:30 or whatever, which would be lame, but I would get to see everyone, which was the important thing... but then I looked at the guest list and saw that of the invitees, there were:

4 people that live within a 10 minute walk of King's and I can see whenever I want
2 people I don't like
1 person that I am indifferent to
2 that almost definitely won't go
1 that I want to see, but will be spending all day Jan. 2nd with, so it doesn't really matter if I see her on New Year's, and she was talking about not going anyway
1 that I like, but am not particularly close with and have already seen twice since I've been home, so it's okay if I don't see her again
1 that I actually want to see and might not have another chance to over the break

Woo, incentive to go? So I was going to see if my other friends wanted to do anything, but then realized that TM is going to DR's party, SG is spending it with her s/o, LE will probably be doing something with A., GV and AH are still in the city... so that pretty much just leaves me and AS. And of course, she, being of legal age and all, is quite possibly going out to a bar or something.


I could always stay home by myself and have the bestest party ever. EVER. And everyone else will be jealous that they won't be here. Yeah.

Whatever, at least I get to see LH and AF for Prison Break soon. :)

In a way, I kind of just want to cut some of these people out of my life completely, because then I won't won't have to miss them or be upset about it when their idea of "making plans to see each other over the break" turns out to be a bunch of bull.

Of course, I won't actually. I love them too much. :)

Monday, 17 December 2007

Thank you, two.

(Ooo, clever title. See what I did there? Haha.)

I'm done. Yay. Here's what I came up with:

"Dear Board of Governors:

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for providing scholarship funding for students. My entrance scholarship was named as a Board of Governors’ Scholarship this year, and I want to express my appreciation for this generous donation. This scholarship has allowed me to attend the University of King’s College at a much smaller expense than it would have been otherwise. For several years, I have wished to attend King’s, and so being not just accepted, but given the largest available scholarship is indeed a wonderful gift. Although ideally we would decide which university to attend based solely on its merits, unfortunately money must of necessity play an important role in the decision, and I would like to thank you for allowing me to make the decision as I wanted to, and come to the university which I was most attracted to. Furthermore, the recognition of my abilities and worthiness which accompanies the monetary donation is fully appreciated as well.
Once again, thank you for this kind donation, and I can only hope that this funding will continue to be made available to future students, and that they will appreciate it as much as I do.


"Dear Sodexho staff:
The residents of North Pole Bay would like to express their gratitude to all of you for the wonderful service that you provide. We appreciate the amount of work that you do to cook for us and to clean up for us at each meal, saving us from having to do that work ourselves, and thus allowing us more time for studying and other activities.
Especially, we would like to thank you for listening to and acting upon student suggestions. This endeavour to make the eating experience as comfortable and enjoyable as possible for every student is greatly appreciated.
Also, we would like to thank you for the many extra hours that you put into formal meals and the special Christmas meals. These are always delicious and enjoyable to all of the students, and we would like to recognize and thank you for the considerable extra effort on your part.
Once again, thank you all so much for everything you do.
North Pole Bay"

"Dear cleaning staff:
The residents of North Pole Bay would like to thank all of you for maintaining a clean and healthy living environment in both our residence and all of campus. You are often behind the scenes, nearly invisible to us, and since we do not get the chance to thank you in person, we have chosen to write this letter of gratitude to you.
We are extremely grateful for all of the work that you do in cleaning up after us. We are not the neatest bunch, and often make unnecessary mess in the hallways and bathrooms, which you always have to clean up. This is greatly appreciated by all of us.
Thank you all very much for your hard work!
North Pole Bay"

They're not brilliant, but I think they'll do. The first one is the only one that has to be really good, I'm less worried about the other two; I'm sure those poor under-appreciated Sodexho/cleaning people will be pleased to get any thanks at all from us ungrateful wretches of university students. Although I do feel bad that the cleaning staff one is so much shorter, but i just could not come up with anything else to say.

(Five posts in less than twenty-four hours, three of those in the past, what was it, two hours? Can you tell how bored I am?)

While I'm on the topic...

of letters, and since I'm kind of procrastinating, and it's getting close to Christmas, I decided that I should copy this over from my old MSN Space. I wrote it two years ago, and it's pretty bad, but it still kind of makes me giggle.

The story behind it is, I volunteer for Canada Post to write Santa letters back to children every December. (Not this year though, because they already had too many volunteers, grumble grumble). Usually, I really enjoy it, but every now and then you get a kid like this one, and it can be a little frustrating.

Dear Santa,

Hello. How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? Did you get her lots of presents? Is she going to make a Christmas dinner this year? And what about the reindeer? How are they? Rudolph's nose still glowing brightly, I hope? And the elves? I hope everything is going well up there.
For Christmas this year I would like a bicycle, a toy train, and a lego dinosaur. I hope that isn't too much.
I will leave you milk and cookies on Christmas Eve. I love you Santa!

Dear Jimmy,

Hi. I have pneumonia. Mrs. Claus has leukemia. I didn't get her any presents. We can't afford it, what with the medical bills. And besides, she might die before then anyway, and that would just be a waste. For Christmas dinner, we're just going to stick one of the reindeer in the oven. They're all going to be dead soon anyways. They've caught a disease, and have been dying off slowly, one by one. All I've got left now are Dasher, Vixen, and Donner. Rudolph was the first to go.
As for the elves, they're all pretty much gone. Due to lack of funding, I had to lay off about 83% of them. The little bastards all went on strike, and quit when I wouldn't give them what they wanted. They said they were going to go work at a sweat shop, where at least they'd get a decent pay.
So as a result of this, I'm afraid that what you asked for is way too much. We might be able to bring you a button or a penny. Maybe an apple for in your stocking, if you're lucky.

P.S.- I am lactose intolerant, and cookies give me heart burn.

Anyway, I am two thirds through my thank you letters, yay! It's going much better than I thought, although they all kind of sound dumb, but whatever.

Thank you.

I don't know why I find thank you letters so hard to write. It's not that I have a problem with saying thank you. I say "thank you" and "please" and "I'm sorry" at least a million times a day. It's not like I'm ungrateful or anything. I just have a really hard time making these things take up more than two sentences.

"Dear Board of Governors:

Thank you for the scholarship. I really appreciate it, because now I can come to your lovely university and have a much smaller student loan to pay off. Yay!

Very, very, extremely, completely sincerely,


I mean, what more can I possibly say?

Guh. I'll figure something out.

"Yay moneyz! Kthxbai."

Sunday, 16 December 2007

Just for the record, I feel better now. I'm okay, really! I just needed to get all my worries out so they weren't boiling up inside me.

"That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown"

[I warn you now, this is a rather unhappy entry (surprise, surprise). Read at own risk.]

For all my talk about Christmas being a time of loving other people and opening our hearts and all that, I'm not in much of a Christmas spirit myself these days. I think this is the most angry and bitter and self-centered I've been in quite a while, actually. I mean, I always am all those things, but lately, more than usual. For instance, I'm, you could say, less than thrilled, about my brother's girlfriend spending Christmas with us. She's a lovely person and all that, but it just seems wrong. Having people we barely know in the house during Christmas? That's just awkward and weird. And then it's not like family anymore. I don't know. I'm sure it will be fine...

I'm also being absurdly bitter that as of tomorrow night, I won't have a bed to sleep in. Really, it's not that big of a deal, I'm sure there'll be a nice lumpy couch or leaky air mattress, or something, for me to sleep on. My parents still haven't gotten the "nice comfortable futon" that they've been going to buy for four months now. Like I said, I don't know why it bothers me so much, it's just a bed. I guess it just kind of encapsulates that whole feeling of being somewhere new and having the first Christmas in the new house and being a stranger in my own home.

So anyway, in the process of re-labeling this entire blog the other day, I went back and read a lot of my posts, including this one. And I realized that I haven't even tried to do any of that stuff. I never do any of that stuff, any time I convince myself that I am going to do something to make myself a better person, or at least someone that I can be happier with, I completely forget about it within a week and go on being just as horrible as ever. Although, I also have to wonder if any of that stuff would really help. I would also like to take it as a sign that maybe I just don't hate myself as much as I thought, but I find that one hard to believe. It's probably just the fact that one of those things I need to improve is to get over my pure and utter laziness. Seriously, though, I suffer such moments of pure self-loathing now and then that there's no way I can be happy with who I am. But whatever, I'm at least a decent person - I mean, there's worse people out there - I certainly like some things about me - like... well, nothing comes to mind at the moment, but that's probably just because I'm in a crappy mood (more on that later). It's not that I'm a bad person (not most of the time, anyway) - I'm just not a very good one, either.

Anyway. Other things that have been bothering me lately:

I feel like crap. Utterly miserable. Guh, sometimes I actually wish I wasn't female.

My dad hurt his back again today, and he has a terrible cold/cough/sore throat.

My grandfather fell and hurt his knee again the other day, and he can hardly walk just now.

My other grandparents are in Florida for Christmas, again. Another thing that bothers me for no particular reason.

Mom keeps nagging at me about having to be more sociable and talkative around relatives, and especially to my brother and his girlfriend when they get here. To start, most of my relatives are stupid, and so I feel justified in not being sociable with them, because I have very low tolerance for that kind of stupidity. As for my brother, we have a weird sort of sibling relationship. Most people seem to have fought a lot when they were younger, and then get along better when they're older. My brother and I have always just kind of ignored one another. Not even so much ignored, as just, "yeah, you're there, whatever." That's just the way we are. As for his girlfriend, mom is all "She gets very nervous and apprehensive around people, and she's very shy and not outgoing at all, so you should make an effort to talk to her." Um. She just described me, and I'm the one who's supposed to make other people feel welcome? Guh.

Right after that conversation, mom accused me of being not very "merry and jolly" and that I have to "get out of my box." What the hell? I'm merry! I'm jolly! And I most certainly do not live in a box. Fuck.

There's a raging snowstorm outside that will probably knock the power out, sooner or later, and will probably have me cooped up in the house for several more days, and which may mean that my brother and his girlfriend won't even be getting here tomorrow.

Our car broke down this week and we had to get a new one, because what my family really needs at this particular moment is to spend more money.

And it means I have to learn to drive a standard.

I've been home for a week, and the only times that I've been out were to go grocery shopping with dad and Christmas shopping with my parents.

I'm really not going to see my friends all that much over the break. There's the IB reception, which is very short, and which will have an unfortunately large portion taken up by the actual awarding of diplomas and certificates, and with talking to teachers, instead of friends. Although, none of my teachers actually like me, so it will probably be more standing in a corner watching everyone else talk to the teachers and ending up talking to JH's mom, although I think she doesn't love me quite as much as she used to. Anyway. Then there's ST's party, which should be sufficiently awkward, but then, her parties always are, and generally turn out fine anyway. Then maybe going to T.'s for New Year's, if he remembers to invite me this year. And hopefully the Prison Break marathon will actually happen, if LH doesn't end up spending all break with camp/Church friends, and AF doesn't have hockey every day... It's starting to look like even caroling might not happen, and it's one of my favourite Christmas traditions. And of course, all this leaves the question of WHEN THE HELL AM I GOING TO SEE TM??? It's so weird to have not seen my best friend since May. And for all of our "definitely absolutely for sure going to see each other this time"... we've been saying that since June. "Oh yeah, we're going to hang out all the time this summer, it will be just like last year..." "Okay, we've got three weeks til I move to the city, we will see each other before I go..." "I'm coming home for a day, let's get together..." "It's Thanksgiving weekend, I'm home for three days, there's got to be a chance for us to see each other..." I'm afraid that's what it will be like this time.

I miss King's people!!! :(

Relationships are weird. Also, they always make me feel like I'm weird, because I'm pretty sure it's not normal to find them weird. But whatever. Maybe it is just that I'm weird? Probably.

Dad's already after me to start applying for summer jobs. And my parents want to know where I'm going to live next year and what I'm going to take and how I'm going to pay for it, and I can just hear the unspoken questions of what the hell I'm going to do with my life anyway, and why did they let me talk them into letting me take an arts degree, anyway? And I don't have the answers to any of those questions.

I don't have the answers to any of those questions.

My dad seems to have it in his head that I should either work for the government or be a teacher. Those both kind of sound like hell.

Other things that need to get done before Christmas break: finish dad's Christmas present, finish LH's Christmas present (oh, another thing, I feel absolutely terrible about getting her a present and not anyone else... I mean, there is some major guilt going on), write several thank you letters, and get ahead on my FYP reading...

Speaking of which, I am terrified of getting marks and things back in January. I mean, I'm very confident about the midterm, and I think my last paper (can't believe we never got that back...) was pretty decent, but I'm really unsure about my oral, and I think my position paper out and out sucked...

And on the subject of King's and marks and thank you letters... why did they give me their largest scholarship? I'm pretty sure I'm the stupidest person in the school...

Anyway, I'll stop whining now. (And some people try to tell me I don't whine. Pfft.) I think someday I'll have to try actually writing something when I'm in a good mood...

Thursday, 13 December 2007

Christmas is...

Family. Friends. Being home. Being together. Traditions. Advent calendars and millions of decorations made by my mother. A christmas tree covered in golden tinsel and tiny coloured lights, its boughs laden with ornaments collected over the years. A million different kinds of Christmas cookies. Eating enormous dinners until you can barely move to get to the couch and doze in front of the tv. Parades, pot lucks, and paper chains; snowflakes, Santas, and shoveling. Candles. Going to church for the only time in the year, but actually enjoying it. Caroling all around Lunenburg, even though none of us even live there any more, and just walking around talking and fooling around and playing ini the snow, and singing the wrong words to the songs and making old ladies cry and then going to Tim Horton's for hot chocolate and donuts. Egg nog, apple cider, and hot chocolate with a candy cane in it. Way too many present piled under the tree, with their ribbons and bows shining in the light. Slowly opening our stocking presents, then taking a break for brunch before moving onto the other presents, and savoring each one, pitying those poor fools who rush to tear the wrapping off.

But I think, what I like most about Christmas, is that certain attitude that people get, I guess it's what you call Christmas spirit. That certain air of being just a little kinder, a little more generous. Waking up to realize that "there's a world outside your window and it's a world of dread and fear," and giving back a little bit of what you've got, because most of us really have far more than we need, and yet we insist on holding onto it and letting millions of people go on being deprived of the bare essentials...

I've always loved that Christmas song from Charlie Brown, 'Christmas Time is Here'... but I never really paid any attention to the actual words until I went to see the 'A New Kind of Light' concert (which was, by the way, excellent) and they performed it. And really, it's the perfect song to describe my feelings. So here it is:

Christmas time is here
Happiness and cheer
Fun for all that children call
Their favorite time of the year

Snowflakes in the air
Carols everywhere
Olden times and ancient rhymes
Of love and dreams to share

Sleigh bells in the air
Beauty everywhere
Yuletide by the fireside
And joyful memories there

Christmas time is here
We'll be drawing near
Oh, that we could always see
Such spirit through the year
Oh, that we could always see
Such spirit through the year...

So my parents keep asking what I want for Christmas. And I keep saying I don't know, because, as always, I don't. Their threat to me is, "if you don't tell us what you want, we're going to get you a goat." Meaning, of course, buying a goat for a family in Africa or South America through World Vision. I think that might just be the best present they could possibly give me, so I'm not going to argue.

Anyway, while I'm on the topic, go play FreeRice.

Good night.

Wednesday, 12 December 2007

Home, and fucking lonely.

I honestly think this might just be the loneliest I've ever been. I'm literally on the edge of tears because I just miss people so much. Partly, it's because I miss everyone at King's - those guys have come to mean so much to me. And as much as I thought I wouldn't be able to stand having people around 24/7, I've gotten so used to always having someone I can visit or call or whatever, that it's so weird to have seen no one outside my family for 4 days. I'm really not coping with the sudden lack of people very well. Partly, it's because I've just come to the realization that most of my high school friends are only going to be around for two or three weeks and that they have to spend time with their family and their other friends and whatnot, and that really, I'll be lucky if I get tos ee everyone once while we're home. And I think partly, it's because I looked at pictures of the Dal kids today, and realized that they're all still together and having a good time and getting to be closer than ever, and that I'm just not a part of their lives any more, and I never talk to them and I don't even know what goes on with them and that as much as I love everyone at King's, no one will ever replace, no one CAN ever replace my IB nerds, because we went throught that together and we've known each other forever and that's something that you just expect is going to last forever and ever and ever, but obviously it doesn't if I'm feeling this distant from them, and sometimes I just have to wonder if they ever even stop for a second to think of me and be sad that I'm not there with them...

Okay, this has to stop. All I'm doing is making myself feel worse. Long story short, I'm having a shitty night, I am EXTREMELY lonely, and if anyone should happen to read this, please either come give me a hug or at least send me a virtual hug over facebook or msn or the comments here or whatever and tell me that you miss me, because I am emotional and needy, dammit!

Saturday, 8 December 2007

Going Home...

So it's official. Tomorrow morning at ten o'clock I will be waving good bye to King's as I head home for Christmas break. I have suched mixed feelings on this whole deal. In some ways, I'm really excited to go home, but in other ways I just want to stay here forever. I mean, looking at this realistically, I only lived in the house for three weeks, and I've lived here for over three months now. King's is far more of a home to me than Chester Basin. On the other hand, though, what makes a home is the people, and in Chester Basin I'll have my family, which is what's important. Anyway, I'm lazy, so I'm just going to make lists.

Things that will be good about going home and things I won't miss about King's...

Seeing mom, dad, friends, and pets.
Good food, no Sodexho!
A real shower, and a bathtub!
Having time to relax, not writing essays!
I won't miss the drunken parties in my room which invariably lead to there being a big mess that I have to clean up in the morning and then end up being grouchy about it.
I won't miss all the drama.
I won't miss the snobby people.
I'll be out of the city! Yay!

Things that will suck about going home and things I will miss about King's...

I will miss all my excellent King's friends. <3
I will miss getting excited about everything - dinner time, door, paper clip, Galileo, etc...
Tomorrow, within an hour of getting home, all my relatives will be showing up for a family Christmas party. Not that there's anything wrong with that, just I would prefer to have some time to unpack and unwind and talk to my parents before I have the whole clan shoved down my throat.
I have to sleep on the couch all month.
I will miss having people around 24/7 to prevent boredom.

That's pretty much it. This is all so weird and bittersweet, but I'm sure once I get home I'll enjoy it perfectly fine. Really.

Tuesday, 27 November 2007

Odds and Ends

I honestly cannot believe that sleeping as much as I have been lately can possibly healthy. On Friday, I napped for an hour, for an hour and a half each on Saturday and Sunday, half an hour yesterday, and two and a half hours today. And it's not like I haven't been sleeping well or anything, I've had more than seven hours a night every night for the past week, except for last night where I only had six. It's kind of strange. I've been blaming my drowsiness on the crappy food and lack of exercise; I really hope that's all it is. I definitely have to start trying to be healthier about those things, though, and see if it makes me feel any better.

So, MZ added me on Facebook. Deep down, I realize that probably nothing will happen and I'll continue to feel the same lack of closure that I always have, but somehow it feels like it turned my whole world upside down. In fact, it almost made me feel sick to my stomach. I guess it's just a shock to realize that ghosts from your past are still alive.

For some reason today I decided that it would be a good idea to download Tales of Pirates onto my laptop. Why, I'm not sure. Because I really need another mode of procrastination? Pfft. Right.

Anyway. I am busy as a ...beaver? Yes? That is the saying, right? for the next couple of weeks. Tomorrow night, Christmas dinner and improv. Friday I have my French final, then we are making a potluck, and in the evening I am going out to a Christmas Concert with my parents. Saturday and Sunday there are Christmassy things going on on campus. Monday, french project due. A week from tomorrow, oral exam, and then the position paper. Eek. Oh, and I also have to finish my D&D character (was going to do that today, may or may not happen...), and I promised SE that we could get together sometime this week and catch up/reminisce/whatever, and... for some reason it seemed like there was more? Maybe not. Eh.

Monday, 26 November 2007

...and holding on

Yesterday's post got me to thinking about this. I find my mixture of holding on and letting go very strange. There are some things that I will hold onto forever, but others that I let go ofwith barely a second thought. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to it, that's just the way it is.

For example, I've found it very easy to let go of S. I've only even talked to him once since we broke up. That doesn't mean that we didn't have a wonderful relationship, or that I don't still care about him as a friend, but it was just very easy for me to let go of those feelings and have him slip away. On the other hand, when AH and I broke up the first time, I could not let go. Even though he cheated on me, even though he hurt me more than anyone else ever has, I still held on to him and my feelings for him until we got back together.

And this isn't just in relationships. Look at how easily I let go of my religious beliefs, but how I still hold on to sleeping with a teddy bear. Or how I've let go of my attachment to the Lunenburg house, but still want to hold onto the woods and the trails and the ponds and my boulders. Or how I've held onto ST, doing everything in my power to hold on for three and a half long years, and still going strong... but how easily I'm letting go of my communication with other high school friends.

Perhaps what's strangest of all, though, is how in my heart, I still insist on holding onto AT. This boy has always been a mystery to me, and not one I'll soon forget. My entire human relationship to him has been based on those few precious days at the end of grade eight. I remember those as being the best of times, cherished forever in my memory, not just for what we had, but for everything in my life at that time. But I remember that while it was happening, I was ashamed. Ashamed of liking the silly nerdy boy that all my friends made fun of. To be fair, I was only 13 at the time, but I wish I could have appreciated it more.

High school was strange between us. I mean, he was indirectly responsible for my relationship with A. Sure, it's not big deal no, because that would have ended sooner or later anyway, but at the time, it was a big thing. Still, despite all the signs, I couldn't suck up my courage and beat down my pride, and continued to reject him. And even after that, he continued to be there for me. No matter what was wrong, he was always there for a hug and a shoulder to cry on, always there to tell me that everything would be okay.

We haven't spoken in about a year. I have no idea where he is now. I hope he's doing well. But still when I'm feeling down, all I want in the world is to have him here to give me a hug and make me smile. My heart just won't let go.

Sunday, 25 November 2007

Letting Go

I want to let go of rules and restrictions and do whatever I want, whenever I want.
I want to let go of everyone and everything around me and just float alone through the world.
I want to let go of time and redefine eternity on my own terms.
I want to let go of boundaries and boxes and mix everything together, letting the world flow into one.
I want to let go of reality and live in a world of my own design.
I'm tired of holding on, I just want to let go...

Saturday, 24 November 2007

Christmas Home-Sickness

So, I went to the Craft Fair over at the DalPlex today with JS, which was kind of weird. See, what happened was that she casually mentioned it to RC, who decided that they were definitely going, and convinced me to go to, and then when we got there, she remembered that she hated Christmas and that she had to go do some errands, and decided not to come. Whatever. It was fine, just that JS and I are both very quiet and indecisive, so we ended up wandering around aimlessly for half an hour and then leaving.

Half an hour was more than long enough, however, to make me extremely homesick. Which was weird, because it was just a craft show. Mom and I always went to the one in Lunenburg together, but it was never a big deal, certainly not something that I associated with being an important part of the Christmas tradition. But just being there, with the music and the booths and everything... it really got to me. It seemed like home. Right down to booths from Amos Pewter and Ms. Vickers' company.

Even more, it made me realize that I actually want to go home way more than I was aware. I mean, yes, I love it here, and I'm having a great time, but it will be nice to be there for Christmas. I've been saying that I'll probably get bored after a couple weeks and be ready to come back, but I realized today that isn't true at all. That will probably happen when I go home for summer, but Christmas? Boring? At our house? No way! When I really think of it, having only two weeks to bake Christmas cookies and decorate and listen to Christmas music is not nearly enough! And they'll probably already have the tree up and decorated before I get there, which is a little sad.

Ah well. At least the Christmas festivities here are getting started up, so hopefully that will make up for it a little. If I'm going to have to miss out on old traditions, at least there will be new ones to take their place. And speaking of old traditions, I must remember to ask Mand co. about caroling this year. I'll be pretty sassed if we don't go.

I never want to spend Christmas away from home.

Friday, 23 November 2007

Just Some Words

I'm holding together
But only barely
You're slowly unraveling
The shining strands of my
Carefully woven reality

The world is getting far too close
It clings like seaweed to a rock
And I just can't handle
The distance we have yet to cover

I only close my eyes
Because it's easier to shut you out
Than stare the truth in the face.


Frankly, I'm utterly terrified.

Thursday, 22 November 2007

Actual Conversation Today

RC: Have you ever been high?
Me: No.
RC: Do you want to?
Me: What?!
RC: No, seriously.

Definitely not the person I would expect to encourage me to do drugs.

Oh dear.


People are so weird. Why are people so weird? If they were less weird, I would understand them so much better. Do they not want me to understand them? Why can't we all just understand one another and be open about everything and either get along or not, but be okay with it, because does it really matter if one person doesn't like you? And what's the big deal about being afraid of people's opinions? I understand that I am being extraordinarily hypocritical here, but hey, I should change too.

Monday, 19 November 2007

Life Lessons Learned Since Coming to King's

-I don't 'make mistakes', I have new experiences and figure out which ones I should not repeat.
-Doing schoolwork in advance=less stress (Okay, so I had this one from IB too, I just needed a reminder)
-We're all fools, and those who acknowledge their foolishness are wiser than those who pretend to be wise. Since we can't help but be fools, we might as well enjoy it. (Thank you, Erasmus)
-Religion and philosophy are the same thing. (Thank you, Neoplatonists) I have yet to figure out exactly how this changes my own world view, but I think with a little more contemplation and time, my agnosticism will be developing into a personalized belief system.
-Eating is easier when I'm less picky. Also, eggs are less disgusting then I thought!
-How to eat with chopsticks, and how to make sushi.
-After only two and a half months, you might not know a person very well, but that doesn't mean they aren't a wonderful friend.
-When you don't have time to do the things that make you happy, make time.
-Enjoying writing the essay is more satisfying then doing well on the essay.
-Just because other people are smarter than you doesn't mean you're stupid.

Tuesday, 13 November 2007

Long Weekend Shenanigans

Alright, so some of this is a repeat from last post, but I somehow feel the need to tell the whole story...

(Also, I'm editing my entire blog to take out people's names - I decided it's okay to put myself all over the internet, but I don't have the right to do it to them. Everyone is now being called by their initials. If I come to a conflict, I will make a nickname for someone. Maybe eventually I'll come up with fun nicknames for everyone.)

Friday. I woke up and laid on my bed for an hour and a half going over everything for the midterm in my head. Went down to breakfast, then had another hour or so of studying in my room. The actual midterm was ridiculously easy. I finished the entire thing in less than half an hour, but there were six quotes that I just had no idea what they were from, so I spent the entire rest of the time agonizing over those.

After that, there was some downtime and lunch, then off to French class. Our presentation went surprisingly well, considering we had pulled everything together since Wednesday. And considering one group member did absolutely nothing.

Anyway. So nothing much else happened until evening, at which point MM, DC, AB, TD, PM, MW, and eventually JD came over to my room and we drank (If you pay close attention to the rest of the post, you will see that this is a common theme for the weekend). It was a good night, although a little slow, since we somehow ended up watching YouTube videos for a ridiculous amount of time. Although MW did teach us the words to the frog song. We also called CH and left drunk messages on his answering machine. Sigh. This doesn't sound like a big deal, but there was that time last week when everyone decided that I was in love with CH and that was all they were going to talk about for an entire meal and I ended up crying over it... I've changed my mind since then and just laugh and go along with it, but I still find it awkward that we call him drunkenly three times a night and leave messages saying that we love him and/or want his body.

Saturday. Got up, went to breakfast, and then went shopping for sushi supplies with TD, RC, and LG. We went to the asian food store, but they weren't open yet, so we went to Save Easy first, then Planet Organic, then the asian food store, then back to Planet Organic... I had no idea how much was involved with sushi. So we came back to King's and made the sushi. When I came out of Alex Hall at 3, it was snowing! This would have been even more exciting if I hadn't been in flip flops, but whatever.

So I went inside and downloaded a bunch of Christmas music, and then MM, AB, and DC came over for a reading party and hot chocolate. And by reading, I mean not really reading at all. And TD showed up after a while, and we all went to dinner. In the evening, we watched The Nightmare Before Christmas and then everyone came to my room, and we drank. More drunk calling of CH. Also visiting ES at work... fun times.

Sunday. I got up, went to breakfast, read ten pages, then wasted a few hours til lunch. After lunch, I read ten more pages, and fell asleep for two and a half hours. I woke up, read a few more pages, and went to supper. I am THAT awesome. After supper, we went to MM's room and started discussing the D&D game. Then, now this one's crazy, watch how we switch it up... we went to ES's room and drank! Shocking. That ended badly. Not going to go into details, because really, I'm not sure that what happened was any of my business. But AB, TD and I ended up in my room sitting in awkward silence for about 45 minutes. Not fun. Things still aren't great.

Monday. I went to breakfast at 8:30, had a shower, then hid in my room doing work until supper. After supper, we hung out in AB's room for a bit, then we came to my room and drank. Exciting day.

Tuesday. Lazed around for the early morning, then went and had 'brunch' with RC and JS. Brunch turned out to be miso soup with carrots, celery, tofu, celantro, green onions, etc.; soba noodles; avocado; cucumber; and elderflower water. For dessert we had carmelized apples and mango. Oh, how I do love real food. So wonderful. Anyhow. What I expect for the rest of the day is to finish the reading for tomorrow and hopefully get some real work done on my essay. Goodness gracious. I just don't want the weekend to be over... four days is not enough!

Sunday, 11 November 2007

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

People are so weird. I'm not sure I will ever understand people. EVER. Seriously.

But anyway.

FIRST SNOW YESTERDAY! I always find it weird when it starts snowing and I get excited. I hate winter. It is cold and wet, neither of which I enjoy. And I'm not sure where fall went this year... I feel like I missed it entirely. It's odd. But there's just something special about the first snow, even if it is kind of slushy. I celebrated by listening to Christmas music and drinking hot chocolate. Oh, and we watched The Nightmare Before Christmas. And then I reminisced back to the days when SG and LE and I would watch Christmas movies in November, and it always snowed the next day, and we would go walking in it for ridiculous amounts of time and come back and put on dry clothes and cuddle up in blankets or huddle by the woodstove and just talk...

I miss that. Also the traditional watching of Hocus Pocus. Gosh.

We also made sushi yesterday. Not *real* sushi, just California rolls, but they were very delicious. I had never had sushi of any kind before, and it was surprisingly good. And lots of fun, too. :)

Tuesday, 30 October 2007


Okay. I admit it. I have no idea who I am anymore. What happened to the sweet innocent little Katie that I knew and loved?

I have been drunk 3 times in the past week and a half, and about 10 times in the past two months. Compared to the once every month or two that I was used to at home. Partying is starting to get in the way of other things. Not good.

Tonight alone, I hit on 5 people (4 male, 1 female) and meant it in every case. In the past week and a half, I have made out with two random guys. Keep in mind that I broke up with Steven just less than a week ago. Yeah. So much for monogamy and commitment.

I also had a puff of a cigar tonight. Like seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?! That is not a Katie move at all, no, no, NO! This is bad. The worst of it is, I wasn't even that repulsed by it. I mean, it certainly wasn't good, but it also wasn't "ew, gross, I never want to do this again." Gah.

Who the hell am I becoming?

I want to go home.

Sunday, 28 October 2007

I want to be a gypsy.

I don't really want to be here any more. I love King's and I love FYP, but this isn't what I want to do with my life. I feel like I'm wasting my time. I want to just STOP and LET GO. I want to write and make music and draw and play in the leaves and blow bubbles. None of this stuff is important. You don't need philosophy, you just need happiness.

I always wonder what it would be like to just LIVE and NOT WORRY about all that 'life' shit that people make a big deal about. I think it would be splendid.

Friday, 26 October 2007


Happiness is an elusive dream which floats just ahead, encouraging me to keep going. Sometimes I get close enough to brush it with my fingertips, but it always pulls away after but a fleeting second. Someday, someday, I'll grasp it in my fist and hold on forever...

Wednesday, 24 October 2007

Things That Make Me Happy

AF added me as a friend on Facebook today. I'm thinking, whatever, she seems nice, even if we've only had maybe 5-7 conversations ever, that's fine. A few hours later, she sends me this message:

i found my wonder writers book thing when i went home this weekend, and i read your story again...i just wanted to let you know that i think you are an amazing writer, and that story was exactly what i needed to hear in that moment.
thank you :)
hope youre having fun at kings

This was like a double dose of happy, not just because she complimented my writing, but because in some small way I made things better for her. And hey, that's what life is all about, right?



"And the next one's Rio CON Brio..."

Bahahaha. Although it's kind of sad too, because it makes me miss band in a real bad way. Also ZM.


I finally really feel like I fit in here. I've found that group of friends that I can spend time with and feel comfortable around them and act like myself. It's nice to have friends.


Speaking of friends: Keeping in touch with old ones is pretty sweet too. FINALLY heard from AS last week... turns out her mom decided not to pay for interwebs for a month. Although very sad, this is better than the alternatives that she was either mad at me or dead. And now that she has internet again, s'all good.

Had a real conversation with LH on Monday... first time in ages that we've talked for more than 5 minutes at a time. It was nice.

I went over to Risley last night and visited with JH, CZ and CC.. they all seem to be doing well, and they promised they would come visit soon. I hope they actually do... I also saw CV while I was there, I hadn't really realized how much I missed his randomness until I saw him. I have to say, that was the first time in a loooong time that I laughed until I couldn't breathe.


School is going really well lately... even though I'm kind of slacking off, I'm still getting everything done. Everything kind of makes sense lately. I got Essay #3 back, and my marks are continuing to improve. :) Which is especially good since I was really worried about this essay. Also got French midterm back - 95%, booyah! That class is such a joke, though. It's excellent.


Breaking up with S. actually felt really good. I know that sounds horrible, but... I mean, I still care about him and want to be friends and everything. I just couldn't deal with that relationship any more. And it feels so good not to have to worry about whether we were going to break up or stay together and how we were going to make things better... I didn't need that bullshit dragging me down. I'm free now, and I'm fine with that.


Basically, everything in my life is coming together perfectly right now. I haven't been this content with me life and at peace with everything in a long time.

Tuesday, 23 October 2007


I'm sick of trying to fix things, dammit!

Or rather, I'm sick of other people trying to force me into fixing things when I just want them to stay broken.

Saturday, 20 October 2007

So confuzzled.

You know how sometimes, you really want something, and then when it happens, you realize it's not what you wanted at all? Actually, no, that's not quite right. It's more that you think it happened, but it wasn't quite the same thing... maybe the same event, but with a different meaning and intent behind it. Yeah, more like that.

And it really doesn't help when you also know that that thing is very, very wrong, and you should feel very, very guilty. But you don't feel guilty. Not even a little bit. At all.

Do I actually have any meaning at all, or am I just another worthless body, there for other people's gratification?


Friday, 12 October 2007

In Rainbows, and school.

In Rainbows is the most amazing thing to happen to me in the past, I don't know, like, eight months or more. Like, seriously. I had never listened to Radiohead before, but JD who lives in my res is, like, uber-obsessed with them. Last night he made me listen to "Videotape". I was hooked, I HAD to have this album. This is why music is written. This is the sole purpose. Ever. It gives me shivers. It's been a long time since any external music has done that to me.

Anyway. I have to say, I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed right now. I've barely started my FYP essay due this Monday, plus the readings for next week are pretty intense. I have my French midterm on Friday, and I don't even have the French story I'm supposed to read for Monday. Whatever. I'll get through it. And hey, if not, that's life, right? I've got to learn to worry less, right? Because all this stress isn't good for me... right?

On the bright side, I'm actually enjoying tutorial now. Change of tutor made a huge difference. DanBran is god. Pretty much. He actually, like, explains stuff. And keeps the obnoxious idiots on track. It's excellent.

Tuesday, 9 October 2007


Being home, it was hard to imagine ever being sad. How could anything get you down, when the bluest sky in the world was right above you, and there were red leaves on the trees, and it smelled like fall? Being sad was an impossibility. I want to go back to that.

When I was home, I kept talking about when I was "going home" - meaning coming back to King's. Funny, isn't it, how quickly you adjust? But now that I'm back at King's, it doesn't really feel much like home.

I was starting to get used to things and feel like maybe I was finding that niche where I fit in, you know? But then I saw all my high school friends this weekend, and now I'm thinking, why am I here? How could I talk about having friends here? Those are my friends, I want to be with them!

Four days ago, I had the best birthday of my life. Bowling, out to lunch (free cake!), sailing, BBQ, Twister, fireworks, charades. Seeing everyone for pretty much the first time in a month. Not having to plan anything or be the hostess. It was perfect. Now, four days later. I'm feeling down again. Sigh.

At least there are a few nice people around. They make me smile. Although the one person that I've connected with the most is somehow the one that I seem to see the least - maybe I need to go blow bubbles outside again tonight? See if I can find her?

Or, you know, sit in my room and feel miserable. Yeah.

Edit: Okay, there are even more nicer people here than I thought a few minutes ago. :)

Why is it that I've gotten more birthday presents from my "friends" here than from my "friends" at home?

Tuesday, 2 October 2007

A Sad Night

Things that make me sad lately, and tonight especially:

Living in the city. Okay, I know Halifax isn't much of a 'city', but when you're used to the outskirts of Lunenburg, and then Chester Basin, it's a very big place. I miss having fields and forests on all sides, I miss having a pond/stream in my back yard, being a five minute walk from the ocean, and mostly, BEING ABLE TO SEE THE STARS. I miss the deer and the birds and, hell, even the squirrels. At home, I used to feel small because I was surrounded by everything, and it was so vast. Here, I feel small because the buildings tower over you and block everything out, and you're surrounded by people but yet you're all alone, and it's harder to find a friendly face and a warm hug. I guess it's one of those things you get used to. Or you don't.

The fact that I haven't seen SG yet. She's a twenty minute walk away, and I haven't seen her in a month? I don't even have her phone/room number yet. Things just aren't like they used to be, in junior high and grade ten, when we spent ALL our time together, and we could practically read each other's minds, and we told each other all our secrets and stories and everything. Why do things have to change like this?

Not having a way to contact AS. Long distance calling is too expensive, and she never checks her e-mail/facebook, and she hasn' been on MSN lately. I feel so lost without her, especially nights like tonight, when I'm sad, and I know that if this was home and things were normal I could call her up and the sound of her voice would make me happy.

Hardly talking to LH now. I miss her like the grass misses the sun in winter. It's unreal, actually.

Knowing that TM is sad and lonely at home, and not being able to do anything about it. I want to go hug him and do the candy dance and draw emo pictures, because it would make us both happy, and it would make the world go back to the way it used to be.

Fighting with S. Constantly. For no reason.

My emotions. They're running away and dragging me along behind with no idea what's going on. I'm trying to gain control, but it's not working. In a way, I'm the kite, pulled by the wind, but I'm also the kite-flyer, trying to get the kite under control.

Suicide. I know that sounds weird, but ever since RF hung himself, it's been on my mind. I think it is quite possibly the most tragic thing that could ever happen. The fact that we were in the middle of Oedipus the King and Antigone at the time drove it in even deeper. It makes me really sad, because of the way I used to think about it last summer. It's strange, how one year can change your perspective so completely. I'm shocked at how casually I used to think about it, the way I used to look at knives and pills. I can't believe I'm writing this on the internet. But that's how it was. I can't imagine even considering it now. But I'm coming from a different perspective now, so I guess maybe it is logical?

Cutting. Two weeks ago, I had a few days where I could't get this off my mind. I was scared. It was bad. I mean, I didn't, because I don't, but I was sorely tempted. I think one of the only reasons I don't cut is because my knife is too dull, it would hurt too much. I think I'll keep it that way.

My complete inability to make friends. Being suddenly deposited in the middle of 275 strange people, this is somewhat of a disadvantate, you have to agree.

Anyway, 7:30 will come all to soon, so good night.

Saturday, 8 September 2007

University Week One

Well, here I am at King's. I moved in last Saturday, so it has been one week already. It certainly does not seem like that long already. So, here's how things went, more or less:

Saturday: Arrived here, so nervous that I felt sick. Got moved in, met my roommate ML, once everything was fine I felt better. Heard the orientation spiel, and then went to a pizza and beer party with my frosh group, where I met J. and B. Came back, went to the Frisky Biscuit concert, got cut off from the people I "knew", came back to my room.

Sunday: Sex talk in the morning; pretty much hilarious. Quad Olympics, also hilarious... a great time, especially the synchronized swimming, and our group cheer. Bay meeting in the evening, which was lovely, getting to meet everyone. Our don, HR, is really nice... apparently the best don to have. Then I hung out with all the girls on our floor, then went out to the ghost tour. The guy telling the stories wasn't very good, but the stories were interesting enough.

Monday: Really boring talk on tradition at King's by Dr. Hankey, who seems to be very pompous. Photo Scavenger hunt in the afternoon, which was kind of lame, but it was just a good afternoon of hanging out with the frosh group and exploring the city. Then my parents came, because mom hadn't seen my room yet, and we went out to supper. After that was the fiesta, which was pretty lame because it was mostly just the upper years getting drunk.

Tuesday: Beach Day that I didn't go to. I bought some more of my books, got half of my student loan papers ready, got my cell phone number changed, took my laptop to the Computer Help Desk for the first time. The Gong Show in the evening, which was pretty good. I came back early with CK and ended up talking to my parents on the phone.

Wednesday: First FYP classes! Oh man. They were so good. The lecture was like... friggin intense. In a good way. Amazing, absolutely. I can't believe I have a whole year of this ahead of me. I am definitely definitely excited. The tutorial is good too. It's just group discussions, but more like Pre-IB History than ToK, which is goodgoodgood. I went to the capture the flag game in the afternoon, I spent most of the time in jail, but I was helping to move the jail... and my team won anyway, w00t w00t. After that I talked to GC for a few minutes, and then talked to some guys for a while. I went out to Maritime Night, but everyone ditched me, so I came back to the room at 10:30 and went to bed crying. S. called at 10:45, and then he came over and stayed until midnight, so that was nice.

Thursday: FYP Classes in the morning again, very good again. Society day after lunch... I signed up for 7 of them: The Inkwell (creative writing), King's Theatre Society, PRIDE (GSA), The Haliburton Society (Literary), Music, Handcrafts, and the Dance Collective. I went back to the Computer Help Desk and found out that the problem was actually with my network cord. There was Casino Night in the evening, which was surprisingly really fun! Everyone dressed up all fancy, and there were games that you could play without needing any skill! I spent most of the night betting on the horse races, but damn number 2 never won.

Friday: More FYP classes. We got the essay question sheet for our first essay... some pretty intense questions there! It's more like a ToK essay though, where you just discuss it, rather than a history or english essay where you have to prove something, and since I'm definitely better at this kind (As evidenced by my ToK A and EE C...), that is good. AH came over after lunch and we hung out for a while, then I had French class... so, so, so intense. The teacher definitely talked way too fast for someone who has not been exposed to french for four months to follow completely. *Sigh* Oh well, I'm sure I'll get used to it. When I came back, maintenance had come and replaced my network cable, so my internets were working. I signed on, and GV asked me to go hang out with her, so I did. Came back for supper and the "Frosh Play", which was hilarious, and then got a call from GV saying that AS was up for the night and we should hang out. So I went back over to GV's, drank some Margueritas and ate some cookie dough, then came back for the midnight movie, which was way hilarious to my drunken self. Yay.

Today: I slept in 'til 10:30, and didn't leave the room until 12, which was very nice. I had a shower and went down to lunch, then went out to the "Charity Event." This involved canvassing door-to-door to raise funds for St. Joseph Secondary School. I was the only frosh to show up from my group, but my frosh leaders are cool, so it was fine. We made about 50-60 dollars, which is sweet! Later tonight is the 80s dance party, which should be fun.

Anyway, as you can tell, I'm sure, I've been having a lovely time here, and now that I have internets again, I will be making updates more often, I promise.

Wednesday, 22 August 2007

The Scoop on the New House

Alright, now that we've been moved in for a week and a half, I feel that I am qualified to give an opinion on the house. Not to mention feeling like I have the time to give an opinion...

The Good

The deck. It is HUGE. It is loverly. It's just a nice peaceful spot to sit out and eat supper, or to hold deck party barbecues. (I hope)

The skylight. I like to just sit under it and look out. Or I would, if I had time to do that.

The dishwasher. Not washing dishes=always a good thing.

The floors and the paint colours. Gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous.

Air conditioning. :)

All the little things that are normal to other people but seem like a treat after living in a 150-year-old house my whole life: lots of closets, lots of plugs, no mildew, no squirells in the walls, a basement that doesn't flood every time it rains...

The Bad

All the work that had to be put into it to get to this point.

All the work that still needs to be done.

The basement... dark and dingy and ugly. And where I live.


The good definitely outweighs the bad. Eventually, everything will get done, and mom and dad will be glad to have it the way they wanted it. So, all good.

In other news, the 'rents are in Newfoundland to visit my brother. I've got the house to myself from this morning til Monday. S. is staying over for the whole weekend, and I'm trying to organize a deck party for Saturday.

My laptop arrived on Monday. Ish good, ish very good. :) Pretty! And shiny. XD

Saturday, 18 August 2007


These days, the Words bubble through me, not stopping long in my mind. They disturb the waters of my thoughts without breaking the surface of Poetry. No matter how hard I try, I cannot catch them and bend them to my will, instead they run, swiftly gone, never to be reclaimed.

Of late the Gift has been gone from me, the ability to let these flittering words flow onto paper. My mind can no longer articulate them into proper sentences and structures. So long I have been without that now the Words have returned, I no longer remember how.

Too many days, the Words have been bludgeoned into a guarded corner of my mind. Too long I have felt such pressure, the suppresion of emotion, the oppresion of my heart and the depression of my Writer's soul. One such as I is not meant to live like this, to hold back the Words, to not let them free. For now I have let the Words back into my Heart, my mind cannot deal with them.

For what is Poetry? Is it form, is it theme? But what is form? How shall I use it? A rhyme, a rhythm or a verse free of chains? And theme, theme, theme, you confound me no end! What content could I possibly put into a Poem profound enough to be worthy of the Words? Is it lament or praise, joy or sorrow, the garden of glory or the pit of despair?

In my mind it is all confused, I no longer feel the confidence of a Poet. How can I write that which I know not? But who can claim to "know" Poetry; to have met that divine being which leads us to joy? Who has reached that sweet Nirvana? Not I, not I, not I.

The Words still bubble, my Heart aches to let them loose, the blood quakes in my veins from the force of that longing. And yet my Mind stands in the way, refusing to quell the confusion and bring order to the thoughts. Art is gone until I free it from myself.

Monday, 6 August 2007


I've just finished reading Exodus by Leon Uris. I must say, it is one of the most amazing books I have ever read.

I respect anyone who writes serious historical fiction. The perseverance and effort that goes into doing the research, plus the talent and imagination to create characters and fit them into the context properly - that is a lot of skill. And a lot of work. I can't even begin to imagine how many hours upon hours must have gone into this novel. Leon Uris, I applaud you.

The story starts with the British detention camps on Cyprus. These camps were set up to hold Jews who attempted to immigrate illegaly to Palestine immediately after the close of World War Two. The camps were little better than the concentration camps. No, there were not gas chambers or brutality or any of the most horrible things. But there was insufficient food and water, no medical surprise, thousands of people crammed into a small space...

It ends after the creation of Israel and the Jewish 'victory' in the War of Liberation.

Throughout the novel, Uris takes us back in time to tell the stories of various characters, giving a background to where they are in the present. In one case he goes back to the character's grandfather and tells that story all the way up to the character's youth just to give us the proper context for his personality and background.

The novel brought to light many things I had never realized about the Jewish struggle. The Russian Pale and the pogroms there in the late 18oos. I mean, I knew there has been anti-Semitism in the world pretty much as long as there have been Jews, but I didn't know all the nitty-gritty details. The ghettos of Poland - a half million Jews living in a space of six city blocks by twelve city blocks, cut off from the rest of the world. The Polish persecution of Jews which continued even after the Germans had withdrawn. I didn't realize how bad the British detention camps were. And of course, the struggle for Israel.

Oh, I knew what they went through to get into Palestine. I knew what they want through to get the partition sanctified by the UN. I knew about the War of Liberation and the incredible odds the Jews were fighting against, the crushing forces of the Arab armies. But I didn't know how much work they had to do once they were in. What they went throught just to buy land - and then to reclaim it, defend it, and try to build from it? It's amazing.

I would highly reccomend this book to anyone. Not only is the story of the Jews amazing, but Uris weaves a spellbinding tale of love and betrayal, happiness and sorrow, and incredible strength through his very real characters.

I maintain the highest respect for both the Jewish race as a whole and for Mr. Leon Uris.

Saturday, 28 July 2007

Gnomish Poetry

Awake, awake, for now's the time
Wake up, wake up, and dance with me
The sun has set, the moon is out
So dance! my gnomish family

Free yourselves of your stone cages
Leave them behind 'til morning's light
No solemn gargoyles are we
But the laughing gnomes of the night

Long years ago, we got involved
In sad affairs, a human fight
Our one mistake, to take a side
'Twas the cause of our sorry plight

The humans had a sorceror
Mighty in the ways of magic
He laid a curse on all gnomekind
The results of which were tragic

We became as statues of stone
Frozen in place one thousand years
We could not move, we could not dance
Our merry laughter turned to tears

But now the curse has expired
And once again we roam the land
Kick up your heels, throw off your chains
And dance together, hand in hand!

So, I'm thinking I might submit this to the Poetry Institute's all ages contest. It probably won't win, but it might at least get published. I like to think it's charming. It still needs a lot of work, of course, but I'll have plenty of time for that in the next 12 days. *eye roll*

Friday, 27 July 2007

For the Birds, Part 4 - Ditched

Just this year, along about January or February, I was sitting on the bus, staring lonesomely out the wind, as I always do. As we came up to a stop, I was looking out, and I looked into the snow-filled ditch.

There were two birds sitting in that ditch on top of the snow. At first I thought this was very cute, but when I looked again, I realized that no, it wasn't. One of the birds was not sitting but lying in the snow. Certainly not normal. The bird was dead.

The other bird was sitting beside it, staring at it, hopping around frantically. Just as the bus was starting to pull away, the still-living bird looked up at the bus, it looked right at me. I have never before or after seen such a sorrowful expression on any face, human, bird, or otherwise. The poor bird looked absolutely heart-broken. I had to fight the urge to cry myself.

Somehow this is a memory that will always stick with me, an image I cannot remove from my mind.

For the Birds, Part 3 - The Duck

Okay, so I've seen lots of ducks in my life, and many of them were very nice ducks, I'm sure, but this one was special.

It was last summer, the day I found out about AH cheating on me. I was extremely upset, and AS took me out to take my mind off things. I don't remember anything we did, except her giving me her kitty ears, and going to the duck pond. I did not want to go home and face the long hours of lying awake in bed, so I insisted on staying out for a while longer, even though it was late and everything was closed. We went to our last refuge, the duck pond.

There was one solitary duck at the pond that night. It was sound asleep, and of course we couldn't leave it be. So we stood there with our loaf of bread, and threw pretty much the whole thing out to this one duck, a bit at a time. The duck hardly woke up, it just quacked grouchily and went back to sleep.

The duck was missing out on the good things around it because it just didn't care. I realized that what I'd been wishing all day, to stop feeling, to sop caring, was not what I wanted at all . I would be missing out on all the good things around me.

Thursday, 26 July 2007

For the Birds, Part 2 - Rockin' Robin

The summer that I was ten, we found a baby robin. It was sitting under one of our trees, and it had a broken beak and an injured wing. When we found it, mom called the vet to see what to do. He advised us not to touch it, because we didn't know if it had been abandoned or not, and if it wasn't it definitely would be once it had human scent on it.

The mother did not come back for the baby. The vet advised us to put on a pair of gloves and lift the baby back into the nest. A few hours later, it was sitting on the ground again. It was definitely abandoned.

After another call to the vet, we adopted it. We set him up in a big cardboard box with an old towel, and put a lamp by him for heat. He also had a little water dish. I say he, but that was just what we assumed, it quite easily could have been a female. He was christened Rockin' Robin after the children's song. You know, "Rockin' Robin, tweet, tweet, tweedily deet"? That one.

Rockin' Robin was always hungry. Fortunately, we hadn't planted a pumpkin patch that year, so that garden was empty. We would go down three or four times a day and dig through the whole thing looking for worms. We had to cut them up into bite-sized pieces and feed them to him. Luckily, he was growing fast, and soon we could just put the whole worms in with him and he would eat them. Also as he grew older, we found out that cherries were a recommended food for captive robins. The amount of time spent looking for worms was greatly reduced.

Once his injuries had healed, we started taking Rockin' Robin's box outside with us when we were out. He soon started hopping out of his box and exploring the yard a bit. Once he learned to fly, he would go sit in the maple tree, but he would still come back to us at night. One day, of course, he didn't come back.

But that is the way of children, is it not? Eventually they grow up and move on.

We always liked to think he was one of the many adult robins that showed up in our area next spring. Children do come back to visit, after all.

For the Birds, Part 1 - The Baby

It was sweltering hot today. I mean blistering. Thirty-two degrees. Gross. So, instead of going for my usual walk of the whole walking trail, which takes thirty minutes and would have been just asking for a heat stroke, I decided to walk back and forth along the first 100 metres or so of the trail that are actually in the shade.

There I was, walking along, when all of a sudden I hear "cheep!" You know, the very loud, very pitiful, high-pitched cheep of a baby bird? So I looked down, and there, not two feet away sits a baby robin on the grass beside the trail. Not a baby baby, it had nearly grown out of its fluffy feathers, but it didn't seem to be old enough to fly. I bent down to have a closer look at it to see if it was hurt. It didn't appear to be, so I assumed it must have been there because it was too young to fly.

I talked to it for a few minutes, wondering if it's mother had abandoned it or just left it there to wait for her. I hoped the mommy robin would come back, because I knew that my family just did not have time to take in a bird right now, and I couldn't think of anyone else I could pawn it off on.

After a moment, I walked on, and passed the bird twice more. The second time I came by, I stopped to talk to it again. I was starting to think that maybe I should go get my water bottle and try to drip a few drops in its mouth, if that would help. But the moment I stood up to go do it, the bird stood up and jumped away. It settled down about ten feet from where it was and sat down again. However, I was now convinced that it was alright, so I walked on. I looked back periodically, and saw that it hoped its way into a clump of bushes.

About five minutes later, an adult robin swooped down and landed in the same clump of bushes, and there was chirping all around.

This all reminded of some of my own experiences with birds and the memories of them that have stuck with me. My next couple of posts will tell those stories.

Wednesday, 25 July 2007

Of Thises and Thatses

Okay, so, Deathly Hallows is officially amazing. I read the entire book on Saturday, and oh. my. goodness. It was perfect, it was everything you could possibly want it to be. The only bad thing about it is that it's the last one. The midnight party was sweet too. My team totally won the Triwizard Tournament, and only because AS and I made a mad dash up the stairs at the last second to find the missing clue. It was fun. I loved everything. I mean, it was Harry Potter, it was at King's, I was with AS... how could I not be happy?

My vest is coming along loverly. I've finished the back and gotten started on the front. There hasn't been much time to work on it lately though because I'm either too tired or too busy to spend time on it. We've all been working hard to get ready to move. The house is ours on Friday, and my dad's taking the next two weeks off. We have to fix the flooring in pretty much the entire upstairs, and there's some work that needs to be done in the downstairs. We plan to be completely out of the old house by August 12th. It all seems so crazy.. I barely remember the Middle Lahave or Bridgewater houses, so it kind of seems like I've lived there my entire life. And it will also be strange coming home for the holidays because I won't really be going home. But it's still exciting, going to live somewhere clean and nice and fresh. And the deck, I'm excited for the deck... definitely going to have a big deck party before going to university.

And ST comes home soon <3<3<3 ^_^ I haven't seen her in so long... and it's good timing too, she'll be home for civic holiday, which means everyone will have the day off, so hopefully there will be some sort of big magical everyone together hang out time. I would like that.

Thursday, 12 July 2007


I forgot one thing on that list. I'm also supposed to make a little booklet for my parents to explain all the computer things that they always forget how to do... downloading music, uploading it to their mp3 players, burning CDs, etc.

So, I finally got my room assignment. I am super-pumped! A) I'm in the bays! B) I'm in North Pole Bay, which is just a sweet name. C) It's the one that has laundry/lounges/kitchenette. My roommate's name is ML. I've got her contact information, but I haven't figured out what to say to her, so I haven't gotten in touch yet. Oh dear.

I want a blog buddy. Someone to... talk to, and stuff. I would even go for multiple blog buddies. I guess if I want them I've got to get out there and comment on other people's blogs.

I'm soooo tired....

Wednesday, 11 July 2007

Summer To-Do List

1. Go through everything I own and sort it into four groups: throw out, sell, leave at the new house, take to university. Pack up everything in the last two groups to take with me. Have this done before August 15, when we want to be completely out of the old house.

2. Maintain penpalship with LH and BC at least until they get home from camp, if not the entire summer.

3. Get in shape/get a tan.

4. Write everyday... unless it's, like, absolutely impossible.

5. Finish weaving my scarf and knit my vest.

6. Edit my screenplay.

7. Spend as much time as possible with friends, especially AS, LH, AF, TM, LE, and Mart, since they're the ones I won't be seeing next year.

Tuesday, 10 July 2007

Memories of the High School Years

These are the things I never want to forget, so I will preserve them here for all eternity. Err... something like that.


The first day of school, when SG and I were standing in the lobby by ourselves because we got there early, and there was this other group of people there who kept looking at us weird.

The day I stole MZ's hat and he chased after me and his pants fell down. Then he laid on the ground flailing around for a while trying to pull them up.

The day we were running around in the rain and SG fell and slid all the way down the hill.

Writing letters back and forth to LE between my History class and her homeroom.

History class.

Pre-IB science, Mr. Josephson was rearranging an equation on the bored, and he ended up with Ee = whatever. Then he said, "So on this side, we've got e, e... Eeeeee!" I can't believe no one else remembers that.

Watching Ludovic in French class, when the goose got its head stuck in the fence and everyone laughed but I almost cried.

PAL class with RW, always playing on the crash mats.

The random day I was hanging out in Ms. Douwsma's room with GV and Ms. Douwsma played the Schnoppy song. Schnee Schni Schnoppy, Schnoppy schnoppy schnoppy...

That sweet plan SG and I had to get back at that man-whore LC... where I flirted with him for like two weeks and then I was going to run off with RB... except it didn't work because that stupid Ash. told him at the last second...

Winter carnival, when I was helping SG get something out of her hair and Ash. came running over and grabbed my arm and started shaking it, and I told her to fuck off.

That time that SG and I went to a Centre dance, and we were all sitting on that table in the hallway, and some dude came over and asked what kind of music we listened to. SG said "Nine Inch Nails" and then he was like "That's it? You only listen to one band?"

SE preaching to us, and MZ would always make fun of him... and how he humped churches and drove a floating holy cross and had a holy cow...

MZ's stupid phrases, like "Cat basket ovulation stick."

SG went out with MZ. HAHAHA.

That time we went on a Mish to the graveyard, and we were sitting in Tim Horton's with MZ for like three hours while we waited for Loopy to show up, and every time he said something we'd start laughing... and when he asked why we'd say "Nothing!" and it drove him crazy.

Calling RB 'Ross Farm.'

That whole big fiasco between AC/A/MZ/AT and I was caught in the middle and it was all like, wo. Major drama sesh. Boys are so dumb, hahaha.

One day in music class...
CRC: We're playing Rio Con Brio in the concert?
Mr. MacConnell: Yes. In fact, that's all we're playing, we're just going to repeat it three times. (He starts counting in)
AB: And the next one's 'Rio CON Brio'
And then ZM and T. and I laughed through the entire song, and we kept thinking that we'd stopped, so we started playing, but then we'd laugh again and it would make a horrible honking sound.

Randomly playing 'Shaft' after every band concert.

Women's Wellness Day. Definitely the best.

Rainbow Day!, the holiday that BC and I invented. And... kind of haven't celbrated it since then.


Playing sardines on Extreme Day.

The Extreme Day dance, when SG slapped RB.

Beach Day! Definitely a sweet time, what with the Franz Ferdinand and the stupid whale and the Incas and the..time-warp tunnel or whatever we called it.

The horrible murder mystery party over march break. So disappointing!

The tea party that SG and I had when she called me a whore and pushed me on the floor and I laid there laughing for an hour.

History seminars, makeing trench videos with T., CC, and JH. (Kassiviris!) And spending like three hours just trying to figure out those stupid bridges.

When we had to make our own version of 'Digging', and we made 'Burning'. "My father, burning"


Stay in School for School, yelling at AT in an old hag voice.

Band trip... buying a whole tube of cookie dough to eat in our room... sitting with LH on the bus even though we barely knew each other... listening to Teitur in our room...

Staying up late with TM, waiting for to finish counting down.

AS's birthday party. You know what I mean.

My birthday party, when TM ran off into the field with the chair, and whatnot.


Pirate party!

Extreme day, going to Sobey's to buy a cake! That was a good cake...

Extreme day, F. being a whore, causing TM and I to make emo pictures and discuss how much we wanted to key her.

Stay in School for School. What's not to like?

Watching Prison Break with AF and LH... <3 Especially the end of the first season, when AF and I were freaking out... "Hurry, hurry, go, NOO, fat kid, stay there, don't do it, no... HURRY!" :)

BOSTON! Zillions of hours on the bus with Laura, big rushes in the morning, especially trying to get JH out of bed :P, the candy store <3 <3 <3 , and the Prudential Centre. Ahhh, Prudential Centre... Also playing the alphabet game with LH, JH, and T...

LH and I showing up at JH's place on her birthday, at 12:30, and she was still in bed.

JH's WoW addiction.

The burning party.

Pirates of the Caribbean! And stealing S.'s rolos, har har har.

Chem: dance parties, ecstasy addictions, and fiestas!

Mr Gilbert: And then he DIED.

Math League. Team Boisterousisnessism = the best. Too bad it was only CZ and I for provs.

Sr. Francis Drake is Glooscap, but he's also Sir Francis Bacon's father, and of course the Queen was his mother, but Sir Francis Bacon was really Shakespeare, and he buried his manuscripts on Oak Island along with the Emerald tablets of Thoth, the Ark of the Covenant, the Holy Grail, and pretty well any thing else you can think of. Even the kitchen sink. Ahhh, I.A.s...


The candy dance.

Well, that covers most of it. Lots of good times, I wouldn't trade them for anything, and I love you all.

Friday, 6 July 2007

Where is the Love?

A 13-year-old girl convinces her 23-year-old boyfriend to kill her parents. She stabs her own little brother in the process. She agrees to marry the boyfriend, then blames it all on him in court.

A 3-year-old girl has part of her lip bitten off by her mother's boyfriend, and her ears have been beaten to the point where they will be permanently mutilated. The boyfriend has abused the girl before, but the mother never spoke out.

A man's dinner guest finds his wife and step-son dead in his deep freeze.

Seven more dead in blast in Afghanistan.

Another case of 'friendly' fire.

A Prime Minister who believes that maintaining an offensive position in the war is still the best plan.

The same PM childishly snubs a premier who's dared to disagree with him.

A gun threat and a bomb scare within six months of one another, at a rural high school ranked third on MacLean's list of the best Canadian high schools in 2005. During this time, a gun threat at another small town high school two km away, and a bomb scare at an elementary/junior high school in the same area.

And we're worried about the environment?

Don't get me wrong. I understand the threat of global warming and realize that it's a danger. Anyone who says otherwise (and those who already know) can go check out this video:

But still. Why are the Live Earth concerts getting so much more promotion and media coverage than the Live Eight concerts did? Saving the environment is more important than making poverty history? It somehow doesn't seem right.

Why don't we deal with people? Solve people problems first, worry about the environment once we've learned to get along?

Sometimes I think maybe it would be best if we just let global warming happen and everyone die.

Wednesday, 4 July 2007

Getting Better

Okay, since my last post was a little self-critical.. I mean, it's all for the best, but it is admitting that I'm not so great right now... anyway, today I'm going to reflect and determine things that I've already gotten better at.

1. Public Speaking. Case in point - invocation speech. I was speaking in front of 2000+ people. Previously, I would have been pissing myself. At grad, I walked very calmlyl to the stage and didn't feel the least bit nervous to have everyone looking at me. I didn't get thrown off until I started talking - the delay between my voice speaking and my voice over the sound system realllly freaked me out. But hey, if it hadn't been for silly microphones and sound systems, I would have done fine.

2. Self Criticism. Yes, I can look at myself and pick out some flaws and figure out what I need to work on, but I'm no longer really hard on myself. I used to go to music festival, play less than perfect, and bawl my eyes out later because I was horrible. This year, I went to music festival, played less than perfect, and let it go. I've also gotten to the point where I will admit that my writing is good, and sometimes I'll even agree when people say that I'm pretty.

Okay, so, those are the only ones I can think of right now, but, hey, that's still pretty good, I say. I'm so awesome.

Anyway, yesterday I managed to lock my keys in my car. I have no experienced every minor car disaster I'm aware of - dead battery x2, flat tire, ran out of gas, and locked the keys in the car. I'm starting to think that maybe I'm just careless and need to pay a little more attention to what I'm doing. I mean, the tire wasn't my fault, it just went flat while I was in Big Red's, and the first time the battery died it was because no one had bothered to explain to me about the different acc. modes. But still. It's pretty awful. I managed to get back in the car, though, without needing to be rescued. Luckily, I had left the window open a bit to let the air circulate. I found a long thin stick and pressed the unlock button. While I'm glad I got back in, it's kind of worrysome that anyone else could have done that too...

Monday, 2 July 2007


Soo, yesterday I hung out with AS and SG for Canada Day. We had a sweet time, and I made some realizations about myself and my life. I've come up with a list of goals that I'm going to try to work towards.

1. Be a better blogger. I'm very bad at this, really. I tend to give a big overview of everything that happened. I need to concentrate on one thing and give detail and opinions. That would be way more interesting than "I did this, this, and this." And since blogging is a form of writing and I want to write for a living... good goal.

2. Physical Shape-up. I am in very bad shape, really. I'm not fat, but I'm weak and I'm just not fit, like, cardiovascularly, I get tired and out of breath really easily. I want to work out and build up some muscles. I've said this plenty of times before, but SG was talking about it too, and we've already agreed to swim laps and go to the gym together next year. So I think if someone else is doing it too, I'll be more likely to stick with it. I would also like to spend time outside and get a tan. By the end of the summer, if I'm not ashamed to wear shorts, I will be happy.

3. Mental Shape-up. There are two parts to this:

a) Positivity. I've already been working on this one, but I need to keep going. I still haven't gotten over imagining worst-case scenarios, and getting upset when things just don't work out. I've also stil got a way to go with the whole believing in myself part of being positive. So, think positive!

b) Live in the Now. This is something that I started coming in contact with last summer at yoga, but yesterday at Dairy Queen we ran into Norm and he started taking about it too. I've kind of already stopped having regrets about the past, but I really need to stop worrying about the future. I do that way to much to just slow down and have fun.

4. Writing. I need to do way more of it. This last year, the only times I've written were for ScriptFrenzy, or when I needed something for a contest. And occasionally role-playing. I need to start writing more, all the time, if I'm going to keep improving.

5. Emotional Consideration. I would like to be more considerate of other people's feelings. I mean, not that I'm completely apathetic or anything, just I often have automatci responses that are insults, and sometimes I snap at people when I don't mean to. I just want to be able to control that, to avoid hurting people's feelings when I didn't even mean what I said.

That's it. Love.

Saturday, 30 June 2007


Hmm, so it's been a loverly day. I s'pose. Well, let's back up a bit and do this in order.

Last night after work I went over to S.'s. We just hung out for a while, then went to Dairy Queen. After that, we went to Zeller's and Wal-mart to look for hats, because he doesn't have a hat. While I was at Zeller's, I bought an energy drink. I'd never had one before, so I was pretty excited. I got a Rockstar Juiced, because S. said they were the best out of what was there. First of all, it tasted awful. I could only make it through half. Secondly, it didn't give me any energy at all. Third, it made me feel ill. Within about ten minutes of drinking it, my stomach was very upset and I was very gaseous. This lasted about half an hour before I begin to feel better at all. So not call. anyway, S. was very sweet about the whole thing and did his best to make me feel better. I love him so much.

Anyway, this morning when I got up, my parents had gone out yard-saling. I made some pancakes, read the comics and did the puzzles out of three days of newspapers, and washed the dishes. My parents were just getting home then, and I had a shower. Then we had lunch.

After lunch, I sat down to write. This is the last day of June, of course, and I had a screenplay to finish. I did! I'm so pleased with myself. I knew I was going to make it, I barely struggled with this at all, compared to NaNoWriMo, but still, it was a good feeling. I'm happy. I love... everything! Yay.

Friday, 29 June 2007



So. Graduation was Wednesday. It actually went surprisingly well. The waiting around for an hour beforehand was the worst part, I'd say. My invocation went well, I got several compliments on it... EB's speech was really lame, which made me happy... I know that sounds horrible, but I just don't like her. Peter McKay's speech was nice... other people whined about it, but I enjoyed it. Anyway. I won a panther award... which didn't surprise me that much, actually, because I knew I had a lot of points. Buuuuut I also won the Queen Elizabeth II medal! That was crazy, I honestly couldn't believe it... I was totally expecting them to call JH's name... I was pleasantly surprised. Anyway. Even the grad song wasn't as bad as I had thought. And sitting through the awarding of diplomas wasn't too bad, CC was two seats away, and the girl between us left around the L's, so at least I had someone to talk to.

The reception afterwards was nice, lots of photos, lots of congratulations, and GV was there!! I was so happy to see her, since I hadn't in almost a year. It was good. And there was lots of food, gooey chocolatey food, the best kind.

So then it was off to White Point for SafeGrad, which was pretty good. The buffet meal was good, and the scavenger hunt was fun, JH and I tied for first with two other girls. Then we went swimming... it ws fun, we played ball with everyone, then invaded the hot tub... then we played 'water polo' which basically involved everyone screaming and jumping on IL. After that, though, it kind of died out. There was just a reeeeeallyyyyy lame magic show... and then the stupid auction, which I didn't have any money for... so, yeah. But it was good.

Yesterday I just stayed home and slept and worked on my screenplay... still have 1800 more words to write in the next two days! Eep! Ah well... tomorrow's Saturday, there'll be plenty of time for writing... I hope.

So today at work I just researched sponsorship programs, all day. And I hardly found anything. AGH! Oh well.

I might go out and do something with Steven tonight... I don't know... depends how I feel after supper, I'm still pretty tired...

Sunday is Canada Day, w00t! AS and SG and I are going to go out on the town. We figure something ought to be going on in Bridgewater... if not, we can always go to the duck pond and the playground and the lake. Yar. And there will be fireworks in the evening, if nothing else.

And I have Monday off. Schweet.

Soo, the Dean of Residence from King's called yesterday... said they had some single rooms left, and since I had paid early, they were offering me one. I surprised myself and said no. It's tempting, but, I don't know, it just didn't seem right. As much as I would love the privacy, without a roommate, I might never leave my room. And I think a roommate would be good for my sanity. Anyway, hopefully they'll still take into account my request to be in the Bays, then at least I can have some quasi-privacy.

Anywho... that are all. Bye.

Wednesday, 27 June 2007


Work was semi-busy today. I'm sick of making labels, though. I'd also be just as happy if I never saw another business card again in my life. Oh well.

Today was the first day of course registration... I registered for my FYP courses, no problem, but the French is a bit trickier. I took the placement test, and it said I should take 1050, but if I get a 5 or higher in IB, they'll give me credit for 1045, which means I should be in a second year course next year. And for some reason their test didn't record my results anyway, so they said they'd get it sorted out once I took the test again and my IB marks come in. w00t.

Graduation is tonight. I can't believe that after twelve years, it's all going to be over. It doesn't even seem real yet. I'm pretty nervous about giving the invocation speech... I mean, I'm the first person to talk! Eep! Anyway, I suppose it will probably be very long and very sad and whatnot. But GV's coming down to watch, and since I haven't seen her in ten months, that is VERY exciting. I can't wait to see her! And Safe Grad should be fairly awesome too, I suppose. My grandparents are down from New Brunswick for it too, so they're probably at home by now; I'll see them when I get there.

Ergh, need to work on my screenplay.

Tuesday, 26 June 2007


Mmmm, it was sooo fun!

I spent all day geting ready... it was ridiculous... I don't think I've ever felt like such a prep in my life.. but oh well. I mean, I spent half an hour just plucking my eyebrows, and it took an hour and fifteen minutes to do my hair... although that was worth it, becuase it looked really nice.

Anyway, S. and his dad came and picked me up in the cadillac, and Steven looked so nice! He's even more handsome than usual when he gets all dressed up. The corsage he got me was really nice too, it's so lovely.

The barbecue at JH's was really fun... everyone was there and having a good time. The Hs really went all out fo it... sorbet to cleanse the pallette, spinach salad, burgers, chicken, pasta salad, a fruit tray, cheese and crackers, iced tea and punch, after eight mints, and ice cream with waffle bowls... although we were all wayyy too full for ice cream.

Then the prom itself... I loved the first hour of taking pictures and stuff, it was just silly... but then when we first went inside it was awkward because everyone was just standing around. But once SG finally showed up she wanted to dance, which meant I wasn't dancing alone so I didn't feel like an idiot, and then everyone else started dancing. Go SG! I spent most of the night with her and the IB nerds... and S., of course. I hardly saw LE at all... mostly because she and A have no ability to be together and be with a group at the same time... but whatever, as long as they're happy.

S.'s dad drove me home again afterwards... S. walked me to the door... it was very sweet. I wanted to go to LH's afterwards to watch Disney movies, but that wouldn't work since I had to come to work today. Oh, and so far - one hour and nothing done. Blah.

All in all, it was a lovely evening, although I'm not sure it was worth the $450+ that went into it. But, whatever, I guess that's how prom works.

Sunday, 24 June 2007

Last day

Today was my last day at the library. It was fairly uneventful, as usual. I was working with Patrice, which was nice. If I'd had to choose someone to work with on the last day, it would have been either her or Barbara H. It's kind of sad to be done, but on the other hand, it's kind of exciting. That was the perfect job during the year, but I've kind of out grown it, it's time to move on to bigger and better things.

While I was there, I wrote over 1800 words on my screenplay. I was so pleased! This brings me up to over 17000 words... almost there! And I'm still over two days ahead, which is good, although I expect that from now on I'll be able to write enough every day. If not, I can finish up on Thursday when I've got the day off.

I'm so excited for tomorrow! Last night I didn't really care at all, I just wanted it to be next Saturday so I could sleep, but now I'm really pumped. Everyone's going to be there! I love it when everyone's there, not just a few people. And they'll all look so nice... I'll look so nice! It's just going to be so great. Although they're calling for rain in the evening... blargh!

Oh blog, I have so many things I want to write in you! So many, many plans! After next week, when there aren't exciting things going on all the time, I'll have to start writing about stuff othere than the daily events. Yay!

Saturday, 23 June 2007

Prom - Jewellery and Decorating. And ice cream, of course.

So the jewellery hunt last night was successful! Which is good, because otherwise I don't know when I ever would have gotten it. We went out to Hunt's Point for supper, to that little spot that's supposed to have the best clams in the world. I don't like clams, but the fish and chips was good too. After that we went back up to Liverpool, to look at some jewellery that the 'rents had seen when they were there for their anniversary weekend. It was really nice, and I got the perfect necklace and matching earrings. I'm pleased. And the name of the store was Pirate's Cove, which made me happy.

I drove both ways last night, which was pretty intense. It was the first time in months that I'd driven for more than about a half hour at a time, and I'm really not used to the Saturn. Not to mention the torrential downpours...

Anyway, we got back to Bridgewater about quarter to nine, and I headed over to Steven's. I only had two hours there, and we didn't do much, but it was nice. I just like to spend time with him, I don't care what we do.

Prom decorating today was intense. There's soo much to it, even more than I thought... I'm actually pretty excited. I thought the city theme was going to be lame, but once they made it more of a park type thing, it's not so bad. Although I now hate gazebos, minilights, and red flowers. Honestly, LH and I spent at least four hours on that. Everytime we got something done, either someone else said it looked bad, or the lights stopped working, or things weren't the right length to get where they needed to be... so frustrating! Oh well, it's done now. I just hope people don't whine about it... I mean, I know they will. They're whining about the prom theme, safe grad theme, grad song, having grad in the arena, the speech-givers... everything! I just can't stand them. If I here any snide comments about the gazebo, I will punch whoever said it. I just don't want to hear about it.

I was also disgusted by the number of people who showed up. There were four teachers there all day, but only eight students, and never all at once. Considering there used to be at least fifteen at the decision-making meetings, that's really sad. Ms. Kelly said that was the smallest turnout they'd ever had for decorating. Especially considering that it was on the announcements for anyone that wanted to help, not just the Prom Committee. Pretty sick.

Oh well, I guess I just have to learn not to let those things bother me. People are like that, all I can do is ignore them and make the best of it. Either way, I'm exhausted. A six day work week, then working hard all day today, and work again tomorrow... blargh. I really should be working on my screenplay, but I just can't concentrate on it. I might just play some Tales of Pirates instead.

Oh, one more thing. LH and I went to the Tastee Freeze after decorating. It was nice, I hadn't been there in years! Just nice to chill and have ice cream after a tough day. Especially with LH, because she's such an awesome friend. ^_^