Pages

Tuesday, 30 October 2007

Shit.

Okay. I admit it. I have no idea who I am anymore. What happened to the sweet innocent little Katie that I knew and loved?

I have been drunk 3 times in the past week and a half, and about 10 times in the past two months. Compared to the once every month or two that I was used to at home. Partying is starting to get in the way of other things. Not good.

Tonight alone, I hit on 5 people (4 male, 1 female) and meant it in every case. In the past week and a half, I have made out with two random guys. Keep in mind that I broke up with Steven just less than a week ago. Yeah. So much for monogamy and commitment.

I also had a puff of a cigar tonight. Like seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?! That is not a Katie move at all, no, no, NO! This is bad. The worst of it is, I wasn't even that repulsed by it. I mean, it certainly wasn't good, but it also wasn't "ew, gross, I never want to do this again." Gah.

Who the hell am I becoming?

I want to go home.

1 comment:

Lara said...

oh dear. here's the thing about college: it gives you a great chance to try new things, and maybe decide on some that you want to incorporate into your life. but the thing is, you need to actually decide what you want to be a part of your life. it's a fine line to walk, between what's "not a katie move" but might be a good thing to add to your personality, and what's "not a katie move" and will just upset you.

example: i didn't used to be the kind of person who would go to a party where i would only know 1 out of a hundred people. but i think it's good that i can do that now, because it's a great way to meet fun and nice new folks.

but i also didn't used to be the kind of person who would get wasted 3-4 times a week, and when i went through a phase of my life where i was doing that, i knew it needed to stop, because i wasn't okay with being that person.

i hope that made sense and didn't come off as judgmental. i'm certainly no one to throw stones from my little glass house. just an older gal's perspective, 'cause i've been in similar places.

hugs...