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Monday, 17 December 2007

While I'm on the topic...

of letters, and since I'm kind of procrastinating, and it's getting close to Christmas, I decided that I should copy this over from my old MSN Space. I wrote it two years ago, and it's pretty bad, but it still kind of makes me giggle.

The story behind it is, I volunteer for Canada Post to write Santa letters back to children every December. (Not this year though, because they already had too many volunteers, grumble grumble). Usually, I really enjoy it, but every now and then you get a kid like this one, and it can be a little frustrating.

Dear Santa,

Hello. How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? Did you get her lots of presents? Is she going to make a Christmas dinner this year? And what about the reindeer? How are they? Rudolph's nose still glowing brightly, I hope? And the elves? I hope everything is going well up there.
For Christmas this year I would like a bicycle, a toy train, and a lego dinosaur. I hope that isn't too much.
I will leave you milk and cookies on Christmas Eve. I love you Santa!
Love,
Jimmy


Dear Jimmy,

Hi. I have pneumonia. Mrs. Claus has leukemia. I didn't get her any presents. We can't afford it, what with the medical bills. And besides, she might die before then anyway, and that would just be a waste. For Christmas dinner, we're just going to stick one of the reindeer in the oven. They're all going to be dead soon anyways. They've caught a disease, and have been dying off slowly, one by one. All I've got left now are Dasher, Vixen, and Donner. Rudolph was the first to go.
As for the elves, they're all pretty much gone. Due to lack of funding, I had to lay off about 83% of them. The little bastards all went on strike, and quit when I wouldn't give them what they wanted. They said they were going to go work at a sweat shop, where at least they'd get a decent pay.
So as a result of this, I'm afraid that what you asked for is way too much. We might be able to bring you a button or a penny. Maybe an apple for in your stocking, if you're lucky.
Love,
Santa

P.S.- I am lactose intolerant, and cookies give me heart burn.


Anyway, I am two thirds through my thank you letters, yay! It's going much better than I thought, although they all kind of sound dumb, but whatever.

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