Wednesday, 16 January 2008

Emo face.

Lately, I feel boring. I just don't seem to have anything to say. To anyone. Ever. I don't do things. I'm just, well, I'm just kind of here. Everyone else is so much more interesting and funny and clever than me and I'm just kind of sitting out on the sidelines, watching and laughing.

I feel so much less of everything that I am than I used to be. Okay, that sentence doesn't make sense, but, here's some clarification. Back home, I was the smart kid. I was the creative genius. I was spontaneous and fun and I was always part of everything. Here, I'm just some average mediocre person. And even though I still am most of those things, it just doesn't seem like it in comparison to everyone else, and I'm kind of starting to not associate any of those words with myself any more, and now all of a sudden all of my positive characteristics are gone and I don't know how to deal with it.

Don't get me wrong, I love having all of these awesome people around me all the time, I love them dearly, but... I just feel so sub-standard when I'm with them.

And I know that I should really quit whining, because most people have to deal with a lot more shit than I do, including the very people I'm talking about, and I wouldn't trade places with any of them, not for the world. It makes me sad that we're all so sad, and I just wish there were something I could do about it. Is everyone like this? Or is it just that the coolest people are never the happiest ones? I find it hard to believe that it's just teen angst, but is it a matter of finding your place and figuring things out, and then sometime, five, ten, twenty years from now, we can all be happy? Or will this stay with us forever? Why should people have to suffer this way, why can't we just learn to accept ourselves and the world and not have to worry about it, why can't everyone be happy?

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