So, I ended up crying myself to sleep last night. I haven't done that in a good long time. It made me feel a lot better, though, so it was probably worth it.
I felt sick all day yesterday, and am still not feeling the greatest this morning. Fun fun.
I'm starting to feel really down about next year. So many people are not coming back... And all the ones that are have already got people to live with and are finding places to live, and me, I've got no one and nothing, so guess where I'm gonna be? Back in res, all by myself. It wouldn't even be so bad if I were good at making friends... Also, no idea what I'm going to be taking/doing. Over the break I was reading up on the King's programmes, and I was so interested in the Early Modern and had pretty much decided that was what I was going to do. But the more I think about it, the more I wonder what the hell I'm going to do with a degree in Early Modern Studies? And the more I think about it, there is nothing at all that I can see myself doing for the rest of my life, so I'm not even sure why I should bother getting any degree at all.
But I know, really that this is just a thing that I'm going through, and I know I do want to come back and do this and I'll figure out my life eventually.
Maybe I'll just go study math. At least I'm good at it. And go to Waterloo, just to be a bitch. Heh.
Or I could move to Spain and be a gypsy.
Or build a time machine and go back in time to when women didn't have to do anything with their lives. Damn feminism.
But, looking on the bright side, so far this morning I've dealt with both my Student Loan problems and applied to res and had a lovely conversation about sharks and gorillas. It's shaping up to be a productive day, if nothing else. I think this afternoon I will play clarinet, do FYP reading and french homework, and maybe go to academic advising. See if they can talk me out of being a gypsy in Spain.
Also, hopefully tonight will be less painfully boring than last night was.
Fun Beauty & The Beast Builds
3 days ago