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Saturday, 16 February 2008

Lessons

So, last week's lesson: Learn when to say "no" to socializing. Seriously. It's no wonder I never get anything done.

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Anyway. I had this great post in the works about Chateaubriand's Rene and Hodlerlin's Hyperion, but I think I've passed the point where I could have written it well, when everything was still fresh in my mind. Basically, though, I feel like they both kind of embody what I was saying at the end of this post. That certain kind of sadness that everybody seems to have, and the feeling I get that we'll never be happy. That's exactly what's going on in these two books. The huge aloneness, being in an empty world, where nothing is quite good enough to make us happy... From the introduction to Atala/Rene, Chateaubriand said himself that "there is not a scribbler just out of school who hasn't dreamed of being the unhappiest man on earth, not an upstart of sixteen who hasn't exhausted life and felt himself tormented by his genius"... So this all started with you, Chateaubriand, and your friggin' romantic hero. If it wasn't always like this, maybe it won't always be like this?

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I'm not a lesbian. I'm not even bisexual. I have always identified myself as straight. However, I have always been very aware of the fact that I find females very attractive, in purely a physical way. But never in an active sort of way, it was always just a passive thing... if I happened to see a pretty girl, that was awesome, but I never looked around checking girls out to see if there were any pretty ones around. Until Friday night. We went out for pizza, TD and I were arguing over whether or not our waitress was pretty, and I was just judging based on her face, but he suggested that I should be taking other features into account. So of course, the next time she walked past, I couldn't help but have a look... and apparently I was doing it just like a guy would, so then I became a bit of a spectacle to them. We started doing it to the other waitresses and comparing... it was a whole new experience. I felt kind of skeazy, but at the same time, it was rather enjoyable. And ever since then, I've been continuing to be aware of it, just to see what it's like... and really, you gain a whole new perspective. For example: On a Friday evening, there are far more males than females in a grocery store. Satuday morning at the farmer's market, more females, and as far as age category, mostly middle-aged, then probably a tie between seniors and university-aged. Females tend to wear longer jackets than males. It's just interesting to be more aware of the people around you, even if it is for such a skeazy reason.

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