Monday, 28 July 2008

Worry wart

I spent the weekend with a bunch of my university friends up in Halifax. It was a great time; I got to spend time with some of my favourite people, and do some of my favourite things (going to market, and going out for breakfast), as well as going to the Pride Parade, which was great.

However, the weekend was a little bit double-sided. Although I had a great time, I also had a terrible time, in some ways. Two nights of bad sleep, a bad sunburn, and have had awful shin splints for the past two days from the eight hours of walking I did on Saturday. And likewise, while the weekend calmed one of my worries about next year, it also caused a new one.

The worry that I've been having for a while now, is that my friends are going to abandon me next year. I'm the only one staying in res, which means that I'm going to be all alone anyway. So it mostly started off as a worry that things are going to be different, and I wouldn't see everyone as often. But then I found out that, in addition to most of my friends having a house together, two of my other friends are very likely going to be moving in either downstairs from or next door to them. That was what really caused a panic for me. Somehow, when we were all more separated, it was okay, because we'd have to have group get-togethers. But now, basically everyone is going to be practically living together, except for me. I had these terrible visions of them all h aving a grand old time and lots of shenanigans in their big fun house together, and why would they bother about little old me when they've got everyone else they need RIGHT THERE? Okay, maybe a little of this is just insane amounts of jealousy. But still, there's no possible way that I won't feel left out about this. Anyway. I had myself really upset over everything, but after the weekend, I'm feeling a lot better about it. I love those guys, and they love me. They will never purposefully let me be left out. (...I think.)

Anyway. The other worry that has recently developed is more about myself. This summer, being back with my high school friends, and having all sorts of exciting, interesting fun, has really got me thinking. I like this. I like having adventures and road trips and just hanging out and being myself, and I like that we don't have to drink to have fun. And then I got back up with these friends, and started talking about the awesome parties we're going to have, and despite myself, I was excited. And that was when I realized, that I kind of hate the person I am at university. I hate partying, I hate that drinking = fun and fun = drinking, I hate that I meet more people when I'm drunk, I hate that I find it hard to talk to people when I'm sober, I hate all the over-emotional drama that goes on, I just hate all of it. But it's so fun. I don't want to be that person I hate, but I still want to have the fun. Frig.

On top of that, I'm also having major worries about money. But I've already given myself a headache and stomach ache over that tonight, and I think that getting into it anymore would just make it worse.

But, I'm being positive. Really. Everything will be okay, everything will be okay...

Wednesday, 23 July 2008

Questions, Books, and Batman

Questions to explore:

1) How does a hero become a hero?

2) What happens when a pair of lovers have a conflict in their notions of love?

3) Each side is fighting for no other reason than not to lose. Can there be a winner?

These were meant to be for the novel I will be writing, but I think they might also be fore life in general. I definitely meant to be working on that novel right now, too... but I decided to blog about it instead.

Also, I bought books. I didn't mean to! I was meeting up with friends to go see Dark Knight (OH MAN. More on that in a minute), and I got there early because I went straight from work, so I wandered down to the mall to waste some time. I was like "Oh boy! I can totally go to Coles! But I'll be good, I won't buy anything. I'll just have a look around and if I see anything good, I'll remember to find it at the library." Then I actually got there... and there was a $2 table. So the little voice in my brain says "Weeeelllllll, you promised you wouldn't buy anything before you knew there was a $2 table... OHMANTHERE'STOTALLYA$2TABLE!!!" and that was the end of that. Luckily, most of what was there was bad mystery and romance, which doesn't appeal to me anyway. I did pick up three things, though: Making Love: A Conspiracy of the Heart by Marius Brill, Give Me (Songs for Lovers) by Irina Denezhkina, and Child of my Heart by Alice McDermott. I'm rather excited about all of them, actually.

Okay, Batman. It was one of those movies that, looking back on it, I loved it and think it was great. But while I was watching it, I was like "Ahh! This movie is disturbing and creepy! I'm going to cover my face while Heath Ledger sticks knives in peoples' mouths." (Okay, by "one of those movies" I mean, uh, this one, and Pan's Labyrinth. Except minus the Heath Ledger sticking knives in peoples' mouths part for Pan's, obviously. I guess I just have a problem with movies where peoples' mouths get cut?)

Anyway, that's not the point. The point is... wow. In a way, the disturbing is what made it so brilliant. It reached inside and grabbed at some of the deepest emotions and fears that anyone can have. It was terrifying, it was gut-wrenching, and it was incredible.

...I meant to write something more intelligible about this; about the psychological fears, about how the whole choosing between murdering one person and having a hospital blown up kind of reminded me of the whole Khadr situation, and what the heck is up with the world anyway... but, I don't know, I just can't pull together the energy to make them come out right. So, please, just imagine that I said something highly intelligent on the above subjects, okay?

In conclusion, I'm pretty sure I have a huge crush on Batman/Bruce Wayne/Christian Bale. Deal with it.

Sunday, 20 July 2008

Sorry for the long hiatus.

I'm back. Really. See, look? I'm right here.

I really don't have much of an excuse for the long break. Well, okay, excuses, I have plenty, reasons? Not so much. I was too depressed for a while, then too lazy, and lately, too busy/happy.

Things are going well, I don't know, I just don't have anything to write about. I was backwoods camping with friends, and went to the drive-in, and, I don't know, have a few other interesting things going on, but I just don't really feel like writing about any of that. I don't even have any angst to go on about. I only have one small piece of angst, but it's not internetable.

Anyway, I don't know. I just don't have anything interesting to say. I'll try to come up with something soon, and if not, then at least keep up with minor updates until something works itself out.