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Sunday, 26 October 2008

Excuses, excuses...

So, I haven't been blogging because I've been writing in my journal. There's far too much going on in my life just now, and I can't write about any of it here because the wrong people read this blog.

And really? My journal is the only one I can tell my shit to these days. All of the people I normally talk to about stuff falls into one of four categories:

a) They're one of the people involved in my situations.
b) They're way too close to the people involved in my situations. Not that I don't trust them, but things do slip. Mostly, it's because they're too involved to be impartial.
c) They're too far from the people involved. As in, don't know them at all. Yes, I have friends I can tell all my problems too, but they're not HERE, they don't know the people I'm talking about, they simply can't grasp quite how delicate the situation is.
d) The one person who has the exact right distance from everything, although willing to listen forever, heavily supports one side of my being in two minds about things, and fails to acknowledge the other one a reasonable course of thought/action in any way.

So that's where I'm at with life.

Anyway. I do have a post in the works to put here soon. And by in the works, I mean I haven't actually written anything yet, but it's pretty much all there in my head. It's a sort of self-reflection on myself, the past two months (especially the past two weeks) and a comparison with last year this time. It will likely also include quotations from one of my two new true loves, Blaise Pascal. Be excited.

My other new true love, btw, is Pete Yorn. Go listen. Right now. Especially the songs Ice Age and EZ. And all the others. Basically.

Anyway. In the abscence of actually posting, I am doing other stuff. For one thing, writing this kind of sort of post. Also, I added a blog list. Apparently there are only actually 7 blogs I read which I consider share-worthy. Two of those I discovered today, haha. Anyway, the point is, I would have guessed it to be more than seven. Apparently not. Oh well. They're there anyway. On the left. They're pretty neat. You should go read them.

In other news, missing people is weird. There are simply so many different ways of missing people, and there seems to be neither rhyme nor reason to which people are missed in which ways. Some people I miss constantly, as a sort of dull ache, regardless of how often I see/talk to them (LH & MM, mainly). Some people get an occassional twinge of being missed every few days, when something reminds me of them (T., MW, OLS, for example). Others, I can not talk to for days at a time and be fine, but other days I can miss them when I've just talked to them a few hours ago (JH, JB, ES, TM, a few others). And then finally, there's people who I barely think of for a few weeks, and then spend a whole day doing nothing but missing them like crazy.

This last category is dominated by RC. In fact, she is the only person I can think of who fits that one. Today was one of those days. I missed her at breakfast, when there was no one to play piano with. I missed her at lunch, when no one called me pathetic for sitting by myself. I missed her at dinner, when there was sundae bar, and she wasn't there to eat cereal in her ice cream. I missed her when I had hiccups, and she didn't say "Mouse! Stop squeaking!" I missed her because it's FYP Sunday, and all the first years are talking about how much of their essays are done, and she isn't here to nonchalantly mention that she hasn't started yet. I sent her an e-mail, even though I didn't have anything to say. I've been listening to "Mad World" all day, because really, there aren't that many tangible things which remind of her, and this happens to be one of them. Oh well. Maybe tomorrow I'll remember how to live without her. I'm not sure I want to.

That's about it. The only other news in my life is that I'm excited like crazy for next year.

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