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Tuesday, 30 December 2008

Looking Back: 2008

I thought that, it being the end of the year and all, it might be a good time to look back on the past year and reflect on it. I started writing this post on a month-by-month basis, but that's not working out so well, actually. The important things don't separate nicely into months, you know? They do, however, more ore less separate into four-month chunks. How convenient.

Chunk One: January to April

To be honest, I don't remember very many specific things that happened that semester. I remember the beginning of reading week, when T. was here and we all went bowling the night before the FYP midterm and I tried to study and that went awfully (but I still got the highest mark. Hah!) And the next night, when we went out for dinner and then had the amazing snow fight. I remember the ridiculousness that was St. Patrick's Day/Martin's Birthday. But mostly, I remember feelings. I remember being ridiculously excited to go back after Christmas. I remember how our group got ridiculously lame and stopped doing things. I remember being constantly frustrated with my essay marks (and the essays themselves, hah). I remember what I went through trying to figure out courses and majors and things (oh, the horror...). I remember being terribly disappointed about losing Chair of Bays (In retrospect, this has become a good thing.). Um, okay, this isn't really a reflection, this is a mess. Let's straighten up. Okay. First semester. My friends were being lame, and that was sad. I was bored, a lot. I wished I was involved with things. I tried. I failed. I was frustrated with my academic performance. I tried really hard. I didn't do very well. I was trying to figure out what to do with my life. I made some progress. I was sad about going home. I guess I was still in love with school, even if the semester was less than ideal. Okay, so I'm finding that I don't actually really care enough about things that happened in this semester to analyze any more. Basically, a lot of things were going on then that are still going on now. Perhaps it was the beginning of the downfall?

Chunk Two: May to August

SUMMER. This is absolutely the best part of the year. Summer was perfect. Perfect.

Okay, well, there were those few weeks at the beginning of May when I was lonely and miserable and bored out of my tree and wanted more than anything to just be back at school. That was kinda shitty. And then there was the obligatory midsummer depression at the end of June, but those are just things that I've come to expect, really.

And those aren't the things I think of when I think of summer. I think of backwoods camping and Upper Clements and the drive-in and roadtrips and days at the beach and evenings at Beck's Lake and lots of board games and campfires and SHENANIGANS.

Mostly I remember being being ridiculously happy all the time.

I had a decent time at work too. I mean, it's not hard to like job when everyone there is super duper friendly, thinks you're fantastic, and praises you multiple times a day. Seriously. Aside from the fact that I didn't actually like the work all that much, it was pretty good. At least I didn't hate it, and hey, figuring out what I don't want to do with my life is a good step towards figuring out what I do want to do with my life.

Overall, summer was spectacular. I relearned how to be happy. That's probably the most important (and best) thing that's happened to me in, well, a couple years, actually.

Chunk Three: September to December

So this chunk could have gone better. It started off really badly. I hated Frosh Week even more than I hated it last year. I thought that at least seeing people would be exciting, but no. Because I hardly saw people. Being completely away from my King's friends was easier than being near enough to go see them but not to be able to spend every minute of every day with them like I was used to. Seeing them is fantastic, but it doesn't make up for the little things that happen everyday to make me want to be excited about them to someone, but there's no one around to be excited at. :(

September overall was a pretty rough month. There was a lot of crying in my room because I had no one to go to dinner with, and almost failing french quizzes, and arguing with my then-boyfriend. Uhhh, so, I didn't handle that break up very well... I know breaking up was the right thing to do, but I just didn't go about it in the right way. My bad.

But. I made it through September. And I hit October. I was getting better at school, I didn't have to deal with the arguing so much once we finally broke up, I learned to cope with residence and being alone more than I was used to, I saw my friends more, things were looking up. Then I got involved with a whole relationship mess which lasted for several months and still isn't really resolved. And by not really, I mean not actually at all. So that occupied my October, and most of my November.

But the thing is, along about November sometime, I realised that there was no point being upset. It just felt like... in September, nearly everyone in my life was sad all the time, including me. And that lasted for a while. But then in November I realized that I wasn't even upset about anything anymore. I had no reason to be sad. I was just sad because everyone I talked to was sad all the time, and that makes it very hard to be happy. So I decided to act happy to try to cheer up other people. I'm not sure how well that worked for me, but it sure made me feel a lot better.

So this isn't really what I intended it to be, but then, I'm not entirely sure what I intended it to be. Just not this, I guess. But, still, it's a pretty accurate portrayal of the year, I suppose, and I can't ask for too much more than that, really.

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