Sunday, 30 March 2008
Also, I'm sick and tired of hearing about politics. Just sayin'.
I have a job interview on Tuesday. In Chester. Which means I have to go home. Again. Already. Also, that means I miss the last FYP Monday of the year (although I also missed the first one due to a doctor's appointment, so I guess this is only fitting), as well as the big water balloon fight. *sigh* I'm not even particularly interested in the job. Hmph.
And speaking of parties, I'm sick and tired of our group's version of partying. Drunken singing is fun, to a point, but when that's all you do every single time you drink... it's a little much. I miss the kind of drunk where you a) dance girlishly to the Spice Girls, b) gossip about everyone, c) have deep meaningful/personal conversations, or d) all of the above. And I guess what that boils down to, once again, is that I miss girls.
I've been having strange cravings lately for soba noodles. Also perogies... *drool*
So, this guy I know, some friends' friend, was physically assaulted last night. One of our mutual friends has this thing with the girl in the room next door to him where they bang on each others' walls and yell at one another and just generally joke around. But for some reason, last night the girl got really mad about it, and she and her friend came over to where the guys were hanging out. They took this other guy, who was not even involved, over into another room for "questioning." The guys figured the girls were joking around, and he went along with them. A while later, the rest of the guys heard screaming, and when they got the door open, they found that the girl's friend had shoved a coat hanger up the guy's nose. He bled for half an hour.
What the crap??? Who does that? Seriously. I'm really kind of terrified. And the guys didn't even tell anyone official or anything.
I wish I had more motivation. I wish I hadn't let my work ethic go down the drain these past few weeks. I wish that all the dramatic emotional shit wasn't coming together at the same time. I wish I knew what I was doing this summer. I wish I didn't have to write a French essay. I wish I had time for things like playing piano/clarinet, knitting, reading non-FYP books, writing, doing any sort of extra-curricular stuff, being involved in any of the things I used to love...
Saturday, 29 March 2008
I'm not sure there is. Can anything ever really embody the whole memory of a person? Is there anything that can do justice to their life? Most people don't get more than their name carved into a chunk of stone. Is that all we are, when it comes down to it? A name, an arbitrary grouping of letters, one possibility amongst millions? To a certain extent, yes. But isn't there something more?
I know people who have done memorials when their loved ones passed away. Making a special wreath to commemorate their grandfather, or I know that RF's friends did a beach memorial after his funeral. And then there's Kaethe Kollwitz, who spent the rest of her life sculpting a memorial for her son. Is any of these more fitting than the others? Are any of them good enough?
The only experience I've ever really had with death is when my grandmother passed away two years ago. I, we, whatever, didn't make any sort of special memorial for her. In retrospect, I kind of wish we had. She is already slipping away from my mind, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Can we really hold onto these memories forever? Don't we have to let go and move on eventually?
But the dead want to be remembered. In Dante's Divine Comedy, everywhere he goes in the afterlife, the dead tell him their stories, asking him to pass them on back in the mortal world. Gilgamesh defeats the giant Humbaba solely because he wants to make a name that will last forever. Think about it: when you die, everyone you care about will forget you. It's terrifying, isn't it? Don't you want to be remembered?
On the other hand, though, wouldn't it be better if you could just be forgotten, so that your loved ones didn't have to carry this pain with them, so that they could move on? But we do that anyway, eventually and to a certain extent. The memories always slip away, and no memorial could ever capture them all properly.
Maybe, in the end, a name on a stone is the only way it can be done: by reducing ourselves to a name, we allow those who carry on to retain as much or as little in association with that name as they are capable of and want.
Thursday, 27 March 2008
The School/Important Commitment List
March 28 - French Test
March30 - Dance Workshop
March 31 - FYP essay due
April 1 - ScriptFrenzy starts (Still not decided whether I should do it this year or not...)
April 2 - French grammar quiz
April 4 - French paper due (6-8 pages, I haven`t even begun to think about it... *sigh*)
April 7 - French grammar quiz
April 9 - French test
April 16 - Oral exam
April 21 - Research paper due
Shower (Not that I'm likely to forget, but because I'm likely to forget to budget the time into my schedule)
Study for French test
Start FYP essay
Start French essay
Reply to that job interview e-mail...
The Tolkien Reader (Partway through this one already, but unfortunately left it at home last weekend)
Into the Wild
Out of the Wild
Zarafa: A Giraffe's True Story (It sounds interesting... I found out about it that time in February when I spent the evening reading 58 wikipedia articles)
Battle Cry (Seeing as mom lent it to me in July or August and I have yet to pick it up... I'm sure it will be great, I just haven't had time)
Dune series (Apparently the books are actually good, and I don't really want the Dune mini-series marathon to be my only impression of them if this is true)
The George R.R. Martin series (I read half of it when I was 11 or 12... wayy too young to be reading those books, and I would like to finish them)
Forever Hero Trilogy (I've read it before, but would like to again)
The Bridge to Tarabithia (It was the first book that I can remember making me cry, it holds a special place for me)
Practical Guide to Musical Composition (Yup, on a completely different direction from everything else on this list....)
Heroes (I've only got 2 episode left in season 1...)
Dead Like Me (I never really saw the first half of the first season, and I'd like to re-watch the rest because hey, it's an awesome show)
Radio Free Roscoe (This show still makes me so happy)
A Fairy Tale
The Sword in the Stone (Probably the most forgotten Disney movie ever... I haven't seen it since I was very young and don't really remember that much about it, except something about Merlin turning into a fish?)
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
The Brothers Grimm
I'll Be There
Pokemon (shows & movies... this one could take forever)
Pride and Prejudice (I can't believe I haven't seen this yet...)
Vest (I've only been working on it since last summer... *sigh*)
Scarf for JGBD (If only so he'll shut up)
Sweater (Yeah, three months in and I have 6 inches of one sleeve... I might finish sometime in the next 5 years)
Go shopping (My parents are making me...)
Get rid of some clothes (I have SO MANY! and quite a few that I don't wear, ever. They're in the way)
Figure out summer (aka GET A JOB)
Deal with sea monkeys (Okay, okay, I accept it, they're really dead, I'll dump out the gross water one of these days...)
Do some stuff from Learning to Love You More
And I also have a to do list of blog posts, but I won't post that.
Also, as a side note, I'm okay now... Not hurt any more, just part angry, part finding it hilarious, and part wondering where it came from.
And, I REALLY need to stop procrastinating.
Wednesday, 26 March 2008
Yup, that's a good feeling.
All the happiness and good feelings that I've been accumulating over the past few days have just been sucked rigtht out of me.
I think I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now.
Friday, 21 March 2008
We watched the end of The Day After Tomorrow, dad is currently watching the Stargate movie, after that Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy comes on, followed by Independence Day. So, that should more or less occupy me until about 9 p.m.
As for the research proposal, I've got a few ideas. I re-read old essay questions last night and came up with 7 sort of basic ideas that I could pursue. I did some re-reading of texts this morning and eliminated 2 (Gods=Parents=Gods in Ancient Egyptian texts, The Bible, and Freud; and Creation Myths (Egyptian, Akkadian Creation Epic, and Genesis)). I also found 2 that are at the moment the top contenders: Forms of companionship in The Epic of Gilgamesh and The Waste Land (and possibly Genesis); and the need to be remembered after death in The disupte between a man and his ba, The Epic of Gilgamesh, The Divine Comedy, and The Diaries of Kaethe Kollowitz.
The other 3, which are not eliminated, but not my top choices, are:
-The relationship between music and narrative in Bizet's Carmen
-The use of exoticism/the relationship to non-Europeans, in Las Casas, Montaigne, Carmen, and Montesquieu's Lettres Persanes.
-"The French Republic is invincible, like reason; it is immortal, like truth." (Robespierre) The French Republic was overthrown because it was neither reasonable nor truthful, and thus not invincible or immortal.
I would enjoy writing on either of the first two; at the moment I am leaning towards the companionship one. I'm not sure how feasible either of those two are, though, because they both involve comparisons between the most ancient stuff and the most modern stuff, and I have a vague feeling that those sorts of comparisons are disapproved of. I don't know, I figure the least I can do is submit it, if it gets approved, awesome, if not, at least I've got some fallbacks.
I've also managed to write about half of one of those posts I've been meaning to get to, so I can hopefully have that up by tonight or tomorrow. I figure if I work on them for about half an hour a day when I can, I'll have them all up in the next week or two, as well as a few other "life update" sort of posts like this one.
Now, off to find some secondary sources...
Thursday, 20 March 2008
The time came to choose courses for next year. Eek! This was, to say the least, mildly terrifying. I'm glad I've at least though things through; it kind of makes me shudder to listen to certain people on my floor who just went through the calendar and signed up for every course they thought was interesting. Although that sounds like a lot more fun, it also sounds like having to take an overload or an extra year in order to get the graduation requirements.
I, on the other hand, have my next year carefully planned out. I'm taking 2 credits in French and 2 credits in Early Modern, and 1 credit worth of elective. This puts me in a good position for my last 2 years, in which I'll need 3-6 more credits each in French and Early Modern, and 1-3 more elective credits.
And I feel good about the decision to take French and Early Modern. It's a good balance I think. The French makes my parents happy, and I'm good at it, so it will prevent me from constantly feeling like an idiot. Early Modern will probably be way harder, and I have no idea what the heck I'll do with a degree in it, but it will be so interesting.
The problem with me is to find a balance between practical and interesting. My interests have never been the most practical ones. As a child, I once told my mother that I wanted to be a dragon when I grew up. Once she explained the utter impossibility of that one, I changed my mind and decided to become a knight. She explained that I couldn't do that either. My third choice was to be an author, so at least I could write about dragons and knights. And that's the one that stuck. Realistically, though, that one is not overly plausible either; there are very few people who are able to support themselves entirely by writing.
So with this degree, I'll get the practicality of French, which, as my dear father never fails to point out, will be very useful if I go into teaching or government, and I'll also have the more interesting Early Modern Courses.
What I'm not particularly happy about is my elective. My parents kind of insisted that I take something a little more "practical" for it. Not that it mattered, since there wasn't really anything else I wanted to take as an elective anyway. Well, that's not entirely true. I would have really liked to take a course in music composition; I would love to be able to write music. Unfortunately, the music composition course had a music theory course listed a s a pre-req, which had another music theory course listed as a pre-req as well as an aural skills course listed as a co-req. And that's all my electives gone right there, not to mention that I HATE aural skills with a passion. So that was a no go. The other thing I would have liked to take is this course called "The Creative Process." The description sounds pretty awesome:
This is a large interdisciplinary class that focuses on creativity in a wide variety of artistic and other areas of thought and expression, such as writing, painting, music, acting/directing, dancing, mathematics, medicine, and advertising.
Unfortunately, it falls at the same time as one of my french classes, and if I drop that then there aren't enough other french classes that I can take which will make up two credits for next year. Maybe I can work it in for next year, though.
Anyway, other than those two, I could not find ANY courses that I actually wanted to take for an elective. So I settled on my parents "practical" idea and went from there. They had suggested management or accounting. Sorry Dad, but I'm not interested in managing. Anything. Ever. Deal with it. Accounting... might not have been too bad, but had the first year management course listed as a pre-req. Uh uh, not happening. In the end, I settled on "Effective Written Communication" and "Effective Oral Communication." They still sound pretty boring, but marginally less so. And at least more likely to be immediately useful.
My thing is, I just can't seem to come to a decent reconciliation between practical and interesting. It's kind of like back in January/February, when I was kind of considering not coming back to King's next year. Sometimes it just seems like such a waste of time and money. I've seen the graphs, I know that, supposedly, people with a university degree get "better" jobs with higher wages and all that. But what if you don't want one of their so-called better jobs? What if I don't want a job at all? I sometimes think I could be very content to just be a housewife. (Of course, if I actually went through with that, I'd probably be bored out of my mind constantly...) And then I listen to SG talk about how she built an anvil out of marshmallows and made sculptures of a raven's wing and hands and things like that, and all I can think is "Wow, what have I accomplished this year? Wrote a bunch of dumb essays that I hated and got bad marks on anyway. Woohoo." And it makes me feel bad about what I'm doing with my life and how pointless it is. On the other hand, though, I did get to read, you know, pretty much ALL of the great works of Western thought. That kind of was a bit of an awesome experience, and not really one that I can feel bad about.
I will never be happy with my life if I'm not doing something that will allow me to be creative and have fun. But I will also never feel good about it if I'm not making a decent amount of money and doing something respectable that my parents can be proud of. (Come on, my stinkin' brother is going to be an engineer, I've got to live up to that...). And, in a certain way, I will also not be happy if I'm not doing something to make the world a better place, because if I stop to think about it even for a second, I'm overcome by this sense of impending doom that would have me constantly sitting in a corner, trembling speechlessly , if I let it get to me.
I just don't know how to bring all these things together and make it work.
10. Favourite color:11. Favourite book:
(It was supposed to be The Gypsy Sings, this was the only picture that came up)
Saturday, 15 March 2008
I'm tiiiiired. Guh!
So I totally went to see Horton Hears a Who today, which was totally awesome. There was also totally a character named Katie, who was totally exactly like me. She was all "in my world, everyone's a pony, and they all eat rainbows and poop butterflies" and I was all "Yeah..."
I definitely called some random girl and yelled at her that I was CH's mother and that I wanted her to stop harassing him... and then I said that CH couldn't love, so he fired me from his soap opera, but then he called back to re-hire me. Life is so weird sometimes.
I STILL don't have courses picked out for Monday. Like, seriously. I mean, I've got most of it, I guess... I just have to pick which EMSP course to eliminate and then figure out the fucking elective... stupid electives... *grumble grumble grumble*
So this essay I'm writing about Carmen is pretty awesome, I have to say. Possibly my best one yet. So maybe... more than B+ ???
I'm wondering if I'm going to be able to pull of ScriptFrenzy this year. I can't believe they moved it to April! June works sooo much better. I think I'm going to go complain loudly on the message boards. Anyway, even if I do try to go for it, I have no idea what I could write about... ah well, I guess something will come to me, it seems to have worked before.
One of these days, I'm really going to write a real blog entry, I swear. Honestly!
Wednesday, 12 March 2008
am disgusted and frustrated that the bathroom is still a mess from Monday night
have a mssive headache
don't feel like reading
can't believe we'res spending ANOTHER night doing absolutely nothing
am upset TM isn't visiting this week like he promised, but hopeful that he'll be in Halifax next year...
am actually quite a bit more upset about losing Chair of Bays than I'm letting on
am EXTREMELY frustrated by two friends
can't find ANYTHING to take as an elective next year
really don't feel like talking to my parents tonight, but there's not much I can do about because they said they were going to call
mostly just want to go to sleep and wake up next month sometime
wonder what happened to that excellent mood I was in yesterday
Tuesday, 11 March 2008
Fuck you! GAHHHHHHH!
Dear Nice Weather,
I like you a lot. Stick around a while, would you?
Much love from Katie
Dear B+ Essay,
FINALLY. I've waited so long for you! Thank you for finally making your way out of my brain.
I might actually love you more than DanBran now. Srsly.
Sorry. "Nice effort."
Oh man, am I jealous. You have no idea.
Yours in envy,
Where did you go? I had such plans...
Thursday, 6 March 2008
Lecture this morning was a-MAAAA-zing! Not only was at a music lecture (<3) Carmen (which is rather spectacular), but also one of those awesome lectures that does more than just summarize the reading. She tied it into everything else that was going on at the time and why it was significant and how the music related to the narrative/characters, and oh, it was just so good. It made me so happy.
The weather today is INCREDIBLE. Ok, so, it's only 4 degrees, but considering it's been freezing forever, and it rained all yesterday and was windy enough that the power went out, this is splendid. The sun is shining, and we've got one of those spectacular Nova Scotian skies that's just as blue as blue can be. I am in love with here.
I even managed to keep myself amused all afternoon. Even if it was with school work for next week, it was still better than sitting around playing number puzzles like I have been for the past two or three days. Although, I am now completely in love with (read: addicted to) hitori, hashi, hanjie, and fillomino puzzles...
Tuesday, 4 March 2008
I feel like I'm really bad at blogging lately. I haven't written a real entry in ages, I just keep throwing together bits of random stuff on a semi-regular basis. Anyway, no matter how terrible I think that is, I'm going to do it again. Here's a list of random stuff:
-Goal for next year: Do something during reading week.
-Goal for this week: Convince everyone to stop being lame and actually do something instead of being lame ALL THE TIME. Seriously, I don't know what's happening to the group lately, but it seems like almost every night, they either have work to do or other people to see or they just disappear. It's so frustrating. I'm bored out of my mind. I'm done all my school work for a week ahead. Geez.
-Reading 58 wikipedia articles in one night is not actually all that much fun. Shocking, eh? however, I now know all about famous historical elephants and giraffes and a whole bunch of other stuff. Like, that they have the British line of succession figured out to almost 1400 people. Why the hell would they do that? Seriously, what could ever possibly happen the 1388th person in line would have to take the throne? SERIOUSLY?
-I'm really lazy when I don't HAVE to get the work done.
-Being the only person done their essay is fun, because then everyone comes to your room to procrastinate.
-I have a job interview on Friday. I'm kind of coming to the realization that staying in Halifax for the summer is probably a stupid idea anyway though. The chances of my getting a job here that pays well enough to cancel out paying for rent/food compared to living at home for free, are not very good. And although staying in Halifax would probably be a lot more fun, realistically, I need the money more. And that, that depresses me, a lot.