I spent the weekend with a bunch of my university friends up in Halifax. It was a great time; I got to spend time with some of my favourite people, and do some of my favourite things (going to market, and going out for breakfast), as well as going to the Pride Parade, which was great.
However, the weekend was a little bit double-sided. Although I had a great time, I also had a terrible time, in some ways. Two nights of bad sleep, a bad sunburn, and have had awful shin splints for the past two days from the eight hours of walking I did on Saturday. And likewise, while the weekend calmed one of my worries about next year, it also caused a new one.
The worry that I've been having for a while now, is that my friends are going to abandon me next year. I'm the only one staying in res, which means that I'm going to be all alone anyway. So it mostly started off as a worry that things are going to be different, and I wouldn't see everyone as often. But then I found out that, in addition to most of my friends having a house together, two of my other friends are very likely going to be moving in either downstairs from or next door to them. That was what really caused a panic for me. Somehow, when we were all more separated, it was okay, because we'd have to have group get-togethers. But now, basically everyone is going to be practically living together, except for me. I had these terrible visions of them all h aving a grand old time and lots of shenanigans in their big fun house together, and why would they bother about little old me when they've got everyone else they need RIGHT THERE? Okay, maybe a little of this is just insane amounts of jealousy. But still, there's no possible way that I won't feel left out about this. Anyway. I had myself really upset over everything, but after the weekend, I'm feeling a lot better about it. I love those guys, and they love me. They will never purposefully let me be left out. (...I think.)
Anyway. The other worry that has recently developed is more about myself. This summer, being back with my high school friends, and having all sorts of exciting, interesting fun, has really got me thinking. I like this. I like having adventures and road trips and just hanging out and being myself, and I like that we don't have to drink to have fun. And then I got back up with these friends, and started talking about the awesome parties we're going to have, and despite myself, I was excited. And that was when I realized, that I kind of hate the person I am at university. I hate partying, I hate that drinking = fun and fun = drinking, I hate that I meet more people when I'm drunk, I hate that I find it hard to talk to people when I'm sober, I hate all the over-emotional drama that goes on, I just hate all of it. But it's so fun. I don't want to be that person I hate, but I still want to have the fun. Frig.
On top of that, I'm also having major worries about money. But I've already given myself a headache and stomach ache over that tonight, and I think that getting into it anymore would just make it worse.
But, I'm being positive. Really. Everything will be okay, everything will be okay...
Fun Beauty & The Beast Builds
2 days ago