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Saturday, 29 November 2008

Monsters

Monsters are fascinating. There are so many mysteries about monsters. Where do they come from? Why are they what they are? What are they? Who are they?

The thing about monsters, the thing that makes them scary, is that they're always hiding. Monsters don't work respectable office jobs and take their kids to the park on weekends. You never see them on the bus, in the mall, or at the coffee shop. Nope, that's not how monsters work. Monsters are under your bed, in your closet, in the middle of a labyrinth, in caves, on mountains. Not places where people normally look. And that's the problem. You never know where a monster might be. You never know until you're too close to get away. And you can never quite get a good look at them either. Monsters are always in the dark...

Maybe that's what's wrong with monsters. They spend all their time alone in the dark. They just keep getting lonelier and lonelier and bitterer and bitterer... We only think they're mean, they just want some company.

Do monsters feel?

Tuesday, 25 November 2008

Due to excessive amounts of negativity today (mostly from myself, but a little from others), I'm going to bring you a lovely little edition of "I love so much."

I love:

-warm winter boots
-easiest birthday present shopping EVER
-shenanigans. lots of shenanigans. various and assorted kinds of shenanigans.
-jumping off buildings!
-group projects that actually somehow magically work themselves out with very little effort from anyone
-discovering new music
-How the Grinch Stole Christmas!
-Cramming too many people onto a bed and being very close and cuddly
-Sleeeeeep

That last one needs to happen now.

PS - Had a ridiculous weekend. Maybe I'll tell you about it sometime. When I've got more time/energy/brainpower.

Wednesday, 19 November 2008

Put the lights on the tree

Sooo, guess who's bad at updating?

If you guessed me, that was the right answer.

If you didn't guess me, that's okay. There's more than one right answer. Maybe yours was right too.

I have nothing particularly interesting or profound to say, so you're just getting a brief update on life.

-First snowfall! Technically yesterday, but really, that was more of a slushfall. Is there anywhere else in the world that slush just falls out of the sky? Because I have a feeling that it only happens in our province. Today there was real actual snow that stayed on the ground and everything. King's is so beautiful when covered in snow. I wish I had someone to go play in it with, though... Ah well. Snow has resulted in me indulging in hot chocolate and christmas music (of the Sufjan Stevens variety).

-The unfortunate thing about snow (and all the rain we've had in the past week) is that I don't own footwear that is both waterproof and comfortable. This situation desperately needs to be fixed. I may end up joining the brightly-coloured rainboot trend? We'll see.

-I'm really excited for Christmas break... 8 more days of class, 10 more days of not-class, and 1 day of exam = 19 days 'til I can go home. I really wish I wasn't so excited and that I could just be happy with being here, but I just can't right now. I think I just need to get away for a while and get my head back on right so that I can actually appreciate it when I get back.

-The weirdest thing about going home is that I'm not going to miss people over Christmas nearly as much this year, since I barely see them anyway. :S Reason number one why this year is so fail...

-Speaking of Christmas, eek, Christmas shopping, needs to happen, soon. Bah. If you're reading this, and you know what you want for Christmas, tell me. Haha.

-I am way behind on schoolwork, and I kind of don't care. I don't know. I just have zero motivation to do most of it. I was thinking about it today, and I think that it has something to do with the fact that I no longer have any sense of labour input/reward correlation. I always do my homework for my french courses. When I don't, I do badly. But when it comes to my EMSP reading? Bah, no motivation. Why? Because in FYP and in EMSP so far this year, I've found that no matter how hard or how little I work on a paper, I get a B. Sooo, why bother? As for Commerce, well, I worked really hard on the first assignment and got a 68%. Threw the second one together in about an hour and got a 75%. No feedback on either of them. Yayyy for arbitrary numbers. Bah. So I think that's probably where my problem is coming from. I just wish that, well, even if I can't motivate myself to do schoolwork, that I could at least waste time in productive ways. Instead I'm always all "Oh, I need to get work done, so I'll just check Facebook quickly and then I'll go do that" but then I end up wasting several hours on the internet, and it just generally results in a whole lot of negative feelings. So I guess I need to work on that.

-I have also been unnecessarily tired lately. I have issues with getting out of bed (and I'm a total morning person!) and I keep falling asleep. Not fun.

-I feel like I should get involved in something. I feel so apathetic and lazy and unconnected and gross. Besides, the busier I am with important things, the more likely I am to get them all done. I have wonderful time management skills when it comes to important things and other important things, but between important things and slacking off? Slacking off always wins! Gah. Anyway. I just wish there were anything that was actually interesting enough for me to want to be involved in it. Sigh.

Anyway, guess that's it. Hopefully updating again sooner than last time!

<3

Wednesday, 5 November 2008

Bullet Point Update!

-I am soooo behind on school work. Bad scene. Very bad scene. So much reading. Sigh.

-LH is coming to visit this weekend!!! :D I'm very excited. <3

-My room is a huge mess. I don't think any room I've ever had has ever been this messy in my entire life. Ugh. I need to stop blogging and go clean shit. Seriously.

-I just finished writing a real actual post that involved like thought and stuff. You should be impressed. I decided not to actually publish it yet, because I wanted to get this brief life-update out of the way, so it'll probably be up tomorrow or Friday.

-It seems our neighbours to the south have a new president. In some ways, I can hardly believe that I'm writing about this, given that I spent most of last year very actively not caring about this election. I think, however, that a lot of my apathy stemmed from the fact that everyone around me cared way too much, and that once I stopped hearing about it for several hours a day, I actually become more interested. I didn't know nearly enough about it to really have an opinion, but I assume from the general reaction that things worked out well. And it was kind of neat from a "this will be a great moment in history" point of view. The only other thing I have to say, is that it made me actually quite sad at how many more people turned out at the Wardy to watch the American election than the Canadian one. I guess ours was more predictable and less exciting and stuff, but still. Still. It's your own country, people, take an interest!

-Uhh... other things that have happened recently? Oh, I went to the most awkward Halloween party ever. Not that it was horrible or not fun or anything, just... really awkward. There were a grand total of five us there; two high school best-friends that I hadn't seen in eight months or more, the fiancée of one of them, and the best friend of that one/boyfriend of the other, and myself. So there was this weird tension between the four of them being "we're best friends now and spend all our time together!" and then the three of us being "we were beset friends in high school and we've known each other forever!" And then when I left the party, the bus I was supposed to catch either never came or left early or the schedule was just wrong, or something, so I had to wait twenty minutes. It was late, and it was Halloween, and I was alone, and it was cold, and it was NOT FUN. Anyway, the bus finally came, and I got home, and then I got to work ovenight, which was also not fun. Halloween is a bad time to work. I'm just thankful that someone else cleaned up the puke so I didn't have to do it.

-I really wish I actually had time for doing stuff. Like, say, NaNoWriMo. It's been too long.

-Uhh, yeah, that's basically my life. I'm gonna go clean now.

Slow down.

A couple of days ago in my commerce class, the subject of the lecture was leadership. There have been several times in the past few months when something has happened in this class to make me think "I am way too much of an arts student to be here." Admittedly, sometimes these are just moments when I have no idea what's going on, but more often, it is because I simply disagree with the business world in general. What happened on this day was one of the latter.

Our prof told us that one of the absolute most important qualities of a leader is that they have to be thinking about the future ALL THE TIME.

I suppose that, strictly from a business point of view, that makes sense, because you have to have your company prepared for the future, blah blah blah whatever. My problem is, that this lecture wasn't just about business, it was about being a leader in all aspects of life, and that if we didn't follow these guidelines we would never be successful in life.

Seriously? If you're thinking about the future all the time, when do you get a chance to enjoy the present? What's the point in thinking about the future, if when it gets here you're too busy thinking about the future's future to even realize it? If that's what it takes to be a leader and "successful," then I don't really want to be one. That's not to say that I necessarily want to be a follower either; I just want to be.

I think that living in the present is one of the hardest things to do. Between worrying about the past and the future, we're barely aware of what's going on around us. I also think, however, that it's one of the most worthwhile pursuits. When I think of all the best moments of my life, they're the ones where I was simply living in and for the moment.

Despite being taught this lesson over and over again, though, I still don't do it. I don't generally have a problem with the past - yes, I have my nostalgic days (see the last post if you don't believe me :P), but in general, it's not on my mind that much. I think part of that is because I'm okay with my past, and because I'm very aware of the futility of regretting things that have already happen. No, my problem is with the future. Sometimes I'm worrying about the more distant future, at others I'm looking forward to the near future. I feel like the first one of these is a little more legit, but not much. The latter one, though, I'm not okay with. The reason I'm looking forward to it is because I'm not enjoying the present as much as I could be, but if I would stop thinking about it so much, I would probably enjoy right now a lot more. It seems silly, and so easily avoidable.

Like I said, this isn't the first time I've realized this. When I used to do yoga, we were supposed to clear our minds and focus on the moment. It was extremely difficult for me, but when I managed it, it was extremely fulfilling. And when I met my spirit guide, he told me two things. The first has become my mantra ("everything's going to be okay"), which has gotten me through a lot. But the second one, I hardly ever think of: Slow down.

And really, that's exactly what I need to do at this point in my life. Slow down. Because honestly? I'm in no rush to get anywhere anytime soon. I can wait. I've got my whole life ahead of me. I've just got to relax and enjoy what I've got at the moment.