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Wednesday, 13 May 2009

Standing back up again

I was so excited for summer. I just wanted school to be over so that I could move on to new and exciting things - a new apartment, a new job, a new neighbourhood... I was so ready. So excited.

But for the past week and a half... I've barely done anything. Okay, new apartment, yes. It's fun. I especially like cooking. And living with my best friend is pretty cool. But I can see already that there's going to be disagreements on things like whether or not the fort is going to be a permanent fixture. And I'm worried that this living arrangement is going to be one of the ones that tears friendships apart. Not mine. But I worry about my roommates. They've barely kept in touch with each other over the past two years, and they've both changed quite a bit. Not to mention that the one who's already moved in seems to have already decided that things aren't going to work out well for them... well of course not, with that attitude.

New job? What new job? I hate job hunting. I hate jobs. I hate not knowing what I want to do, I hate not having a direction, I hate not being courageous enough to apply for something outside of my comfort zone, I just hate all of it. I wish someone would just hire me, already.

The new neighbourhood... well, it seems nice, anyway. I haven't really bothered going to explore it yet, though. I really should. It looks like there's some neat stuff around. But I've been too lazy. Some days I haven't even been outside, and often when I do I don't go farther than the grocery store which is a 45 second walk away.

I had all these plans, about how I was going to work hard to get a neat job as soon as I could, and do a lot of writing, and read interesting books, and get some excerise, and look into volunteer opportunities and summer activities and whatnot. But instead I've been sitting in a fort, whining about the lack of internet, watching Beast Wars, doing endless quantities of sudoku puzzles, and playing Zelda on my roommate's Super Nintendo. I haven't even bothered to finish unpacking stuff in my room yet.

I have a to do list for tomorrow. That's a start. It happens to include getting some more stuff set up in my room, including my calendars and goal lists. Maybe once I get back into the habit of using those I'll get back on track. And I need to keep my clipboard in a more accessible place so that I start bothering with to do lists again, because I just function so much better with them.

I'm going to get myself turned around, I swear.

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