Sunday, 17 April 2011

Sad day is sad.

It's been a long and difficult day.  The rain fell pretty steadily all morning.  It died down later on, but it was the kind of rainy day that made me want to curl up with a book and a blanket and do nothing but read (and maybe take a nap) all day long.  This wasn't an option, of course, because I had to write a paper.

This shouldn't have been such a big deal.  It's the very last paper I have to write in this degree.  I should have been able to buckle down, work hard for a while, and get it done as soon as possible so that I could curl up with a book at least for a little while.  The problem is that I didn't really like the class and I didn't really like any of the suggested topics or even any of the books we read in that class, but mostly the problem is that I just am so burnt out on right now that it's almost unbelievable.  So this paper has been incredibly difficult to write and it's not done yet and it's due tomorrow and I just want to go to bed.

That's not the worst, though.  In the grand scheme of things, writing one miserable little paper is a fairly minor problem.  One of my roommates moved out today and it is really not okay.  It's just... he was here and everything was normal and then a few hours later he was gone.  His room is empty.  And it made me realize that we've already had the last kitchen dance party and the last silly conversation and never again will he declare one of us to be "the weird one" for that day.  Yeah, we'll see him again before he moves to Ontario next month, and again at the end of August, and I know he'll be around for a while at Christmas, but it's just not the same.  The big gatherings will still happen now and then, but all of the little everyday sort of things, those precious important moments are never going to happen again.

And him moving out made me realize just how much I am going to miss absolutely everything.  I will miss this apartment, and I will miss this neighbourhood, and I will miss my university and I will miss just being an undergrad student.  I'm really not ready for this part of my life to be over yet.

I think the absolute worst part of it is that it's not happening all at once.  One of my friends already moved away a few days ago.  My roommate left today.  Another friend has a goodbye dinner planned for tomorrow.  I'll be leaving later in the week.  My roommate who moved out today flies out to Ontario in two weeks' time.  Graduation is in a month so there will be another round of goodbyes then.  My other roommate is moving across the world in a few months' time.  At the end of summer there will be even more people leaving.  It's just going to be a big long stretch of goodbyes forever and it's going to keep breaking my heart over and over again and I dread having to go through it.

It didn't help that some of my other friends rubbed salt in the wounds by wanting to hang out tonight.  Tonight of all nights, I especially wanted to cling to these last precious moments... but I've got this paper I have to write.

There are happy things happening right now, too, though, so more on that soon... tonight is just a night for being sad.

Sunday, 3 April 2011

An Update on that Decision Thing

I realized as I was posting the other day that I never really gave an update on the outcome of the events of one of my most recent posts.  So, here it is.

The (almost-but-maybe-not-quite) final decision on next year is this: I'm staying in Halifax.  I'm going to Dal.

The reason I applied to other schools was because the way I would like things to go, ideally, is to get away from this place now and have wonderful adventures elsewhere, and then come back in three years and spend the rest of my life in the Maritimes.  Except that at the same time three years seems like a really long time to commit to living somewhere else.  (I'm kind of a pansy about big scary life changes.  Shhhh, don't tell anyone.)

The problem with this, though, is that with law school it's generally recommended to go to school where you want to work because there are a lot of opportunities for networking and a lot of job interviews are done on campus and blah blah blah.  Apparently this is especially true for the Maritimes because a lot of Ontario kids come out here, article for a year, and then go back where they came from, which makes employers distrustful of those who didn't commit to living here for three years.

So, in order to achieve my long term goals, and to get the best of both worlds on moving away and not moving away, my plan is to stay here for school, but to plan things around doing at least one semester on exchange.  That way I get the adventure, but without all the commitment and major life upheaval.

Friday, 1 April 2011

My Favourite Box

This box arrived today:

This is my favourite box.  It's from my grandfather's church, and it arrives around this time each year.  Members of their congregation can submit the addresses of their children or grandchildren who are away at university, and then they send off this nice little exam-time package.

It has about the same things every year: a variety of granola bars, some hot chocolate, a few packages of microwave popcorn, one package of Mr. Noodles, some Easter candy, maybe a few other snacks, a $5 Tim Horton's gift card, some school supplies, and my favourite part: homemade chocolate chip cookies.

It's really not much; certainly nothing I couldn't easily get for myself with 15 minutes and 15 dollars.  But the thing is, I wouldn't.  I would never go to the store and buy these things; instead I would wander around the kitchen for ten minutes looking for food and end up eating a few crackers or something.  Now I have enough snack food to get me through the end-of-semester push no problem.

It's just such a nice gesture.  I don't even know anyone at my grandfather's church, and even though they do these packages for lots of people, it always makes me feel loved.  (It also doesn't hurt that packages are pretty much always exciting, especially since I always forget about it every time April rolls around, and so I'm just as surprised by it each year.)

This year there were two more surprises: as you can see, one of the hot chocolate packets is a gourmet chocolate chai, which I'm really excited about.  Also, the school supplies this year included a stapler in addition to the usual pens and pencils.  Sending out staplers seems like an odd thing to do, but I actually just happened to need one, and this particular one is a beautiful shiny green that will make me smile every time I use it.

It's a little thing, this box, but it brings a lot of joy into my life at this otherwise generally unpleasant time of year.