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Saturday, 19 February 2011

Should I stay or should I go

I've known since November that I had until March 1st to make a decision on which law school to attend.  I was starting to get concerned that I only had a few weeks left and I still didn't know which option to choose.  I want to take charge of my life and make a decision all on my own that I feel good about, and I was hoping I'd be able to figure it out by then.

On Wednesday I received an email from the school that set the March 1st deadline, bumping it up to February 21st at 9 a.m.  Less than five days notice.  Less than two days left now, and I still haven't got a clue.

Basically, the decision I have to make right now is Dal or not-Dal.  I can decide between McGill and UVic later, if I even get into McGill, but it's now or never on the Dalhousie front.

This is the single hardest decision I've ever had to make in my entire life and I just. don't. know.  I have no idea what I want to do.  No idea.  There are good things and bad things about either option, and I don't know which one is better.

I am really unhappy about this.

Wednesday, 16 February 2011

So long, old friend.

This is Sofia.  She is my bag.


I've had Sofia for a long time.  It's been close to six years now that she's been hanging out with me.  I finally gave in to my mom's insistences last year and retired her to the closet, replacing her with a newer and shinier model.



She was a staple of my adolescence.  She accompanied me on all my adventures - at beaches, parks, playgrounds, the mall.  She served as purse, picnic basket, and bookbag.  That girl can carry a lot of books. 

In the inventory and purge that I've been conducting recently, I finally hit the section of my closet that is home to miscellaneous bags.  There was Sofia, waiting for me like an old friend.  Sadly, I just can't justify letting her hang in the closet any more.  She's more than a little worn out, and no, those stains don't come out any more. 

I'm sad to see her go, but it's time.  And I am saving a little bit of her, hard though it was to cut into my precious girl.  The section of material under her pocket managed to remain unstained and intact.  It's going to be tucked away into my craft basket, where it will eventually become part of... something. 

This was my bag.  She was Sofia. 

Friday, 11 February 2011

Reverb11: February

There are only a few questiona from #reverb10 that really stuck with me. The most important one is from day 11, about things I don't need in my life.  As I’ve mentioned already, several of those have influenced my New Year’s resolutions and the things that I’m trying to change in my life this year.
The other is the second prompt, on writing. I write at 750 words every day now; I have written every day this year.  Even when I feel like I have nothing to say and even if I did I wouldn't know how to say it, I still write.
Most of the questions I've been living are new ones, and most of them have to do with how I devote my time and which decisions I choose to make and which life I choose to live. I ask myself many many times a day "is this really what I want to be doing with my time?" If the answer is no, I follow up with "Is this something I need to be doing with my time?" If the answer is still no, I stop doing it. Well... usually, anyway. I'm not perfect.
I also ask myself questions like "If I had to explain to someone what I did today in any amount of detail, how would I feel about the answer I would have to give?" If the answer is something like "embarrassed by how little I did" or "disgusted by how much junk food I ate," I do my best to salvage whatever remains of the day.
I've found myself asking, frequently, "What am I passionate about? What do I want to do with my life?" I don't have answers to these ones yet. I never seem to get any closer to answers, either, but I keep asking. I wouldn't want to get complacent and settle for something less if I didn't have to.

Saturday, 5 February 2011

Halfway

I feel, lately, as though I've been doing things by half.  I have all these projects laying around, started but never finished.  They've not been given up on, but they sure look abandoned.  I just don't have the itch to work on anything consistently lately.

In my room right now, I have:

- A mess of half-finished homework on my bed


- A half-written letter to my penpal

- A pile of books and papers on the floor, only half put away

- A half-read book and a half-filled journal

- A half-knit sweater


You'll have to take my word on these last ones, but:
- There's a paper sitting on my hard drive which is finished aside from the introduction and conclusion
- As I write this, I am halfway through formatting a set of minutes
- I am paused halfway through an episode of Doctor Who because I just hit the Megavideo limit

Until a moment ago, I also had a half-written blog post.  When I started writing this, I was frustrated by all the half-finished things around me, but I’ve mellowed out toward them since then.  Sure, I should probably actually finish some of my homework at some point, and that letter really needs to get sent off because I’m horrendously late with it, and the sweater is frustrating because it’s been half-finished for so. freaking. long. 

But that’s okay.  Because I think this is life.  Always being halfway through something is how this thing works.  If I were finished everything, that would be sad.  And impossible.  And dead.

So I’m going to go finish some half-finished projects.  But I’ll start new ones before I get them all done.  I’ve just got to try to avoid letting them pile up too much. 

Tuesday, 1 February 2011

101 in 1001: The Last Update

I have removed the tab for my 101 in 1001 list from where it used to live in the bar beneath the banner.

As I mentioned a while ago, I was beginning to lose interest in quite a few of the items on my list.  Part of this is because I foolishly put a number of things on the list that were just things I had to do anyway.  Part of it is because I ran out of ideas and begin perusing other peoples lists, which led to adding 10 or 15 things which seemed really interesting at the time, but quickly lost my interest.  Part of it is because I am wishy-washy and ever-changing, and many of the things I thought I wanted to do a year ago no longer spark any interest in my life.

The list served its purpose while it lasted, but it's time for it to go.  It hasn't been updated in months.  I can't even remember the last time I opened the excel version of it to update it for my personal records.  It's done.

There are a few things on the list that I still want to accomplish, but they'll get done.  Several of the smaller ones have made their way into my New Year's Resolutions, and several of the larger ones have made it onto my Life List.  Eventually, I will accomplish all of the things that it is important for me to accomplish.

For now, I'm going to forge ahead with my New Year's Resolutions, which, so far, I am only failing a little bit (there's this one about junk food...), and slowly make my way toward my life goals.