Tuesday, 5 June 2012

Lost Voices

Last week I found myself sitting at my desk, banging my forehead against my knees, trying desperately to reword something to sound like something I would actually write. I had lost my voice, so to speak. My writing voice. Not my academic voice, not my job application voice, not my facebook message voice. My blogging voice. My opinion voice. My personal voice. It had been so long since I'd used it, I forgot what it even sounded like.

That was it. That was when I knew it was finally time to force myself back here.

I tried, at first. I really did. I have drafts from the fall. Some are just a few sentences; others made it to a paragraph or two. One is just three pictures of food I had made. Somehow I didn't have the time, or the energy, or the inspiration, or the will, or something, to finish any of them. And then the drafts peter out and there is nothing nothing nothing. Not since November.

A lot of things happened. Law school was busy and stressful. Making new friends was more difficult than I had hoped. My relationship with the internet changed. Mostly, though, I just withdrew. I became a hermit and drew back into myself and spent far too much time inside my own head with no company but my own thoughts. I had neither anything to say nor the desire to say anything.

I did miss writing. I did regret not posting here for so long. "Write a blog post" has been floating from one to do list to another for the past month and a half, but I didn't even know where to start, so I just kept putting it off and putting it off and putting it off. That night last week finally gave me the kick I needed to get back on the horse (Mixing metaphors... I'm a little rusty, cut me some slack).

I'm still not sure I have anything much to say. But I do like the idea of writing again. That's a start.